A paranoid mother..

At first I thought I was going to be able to handle everything. I got out of bed, showered, made lunch and got prepared for another day of lecture and some clinical hours. Not thinking about things does wonders for that! I've discovered that having an increased amount of pregnancy hormones and then receiving some scary news is enough to push me lol. I made it through most of class without thinking about it, even though I was worried because I still feel that pressure so low. Was just headed back to class after a break when a professor of mine stopped me to talk with me about what was going on with the babies and that's when my shell cracked.

She really was just trying to be suportive and let me know that the deadline for getting my full tuition back was next Thursday and that they were concerned about me and didn't want those babies coming early because of school. I doubt she expected that I would break down in tears right there in the hallway but I just couldn't hold it back anymore. Literally it was almost more awful feeling than the Vasa Previa news... I was terrified that if I made a wrong move or too many moves that I was going to send myself into labor and that my twins would come early and that they would end up with all these mental or physical problems or possibly even die.

You can see my state of mind at this point. Then add the stress of suddenly making me feel like I wasn't going to make it to November and that I was being selfish trying to finish school while putting my babies further at risk. PLUS then I was feeling really crushed at the thought of having to drop out of school for a semester and re-apply to the nursing program and that all of my student loans were going to come due and we already struggle financially without my 2nd job and how were we going to do it? The poor professor... she had no idea what emotional pregnant wreck she had walked into...

So I called my mom, and cried... and felt a little better. Then called the doctor's office, told them I was now overly paranoid, not handling this very well and really wanted to be checked out before the weekend and that I just needed to discuss all of this with the Dr who knew my medical history and what was going on. They took awhile to get back to me but I did get in pretty quickly. They took a cervical length which was 2.0 pretty much unchanged from yesterday and then did an NST (Non-Stress Test) which can measure the babies' heart rates and if I'm having any contractions. They didn't like being on those monitors and were kicking and squirming all over, the lady had to hold the monitors on me to keep track of their heartbeats.

The good news is that Dr H didn't see anything she would consider contractions on the NST strip. She said that my uterus does look a little irritable which might account for some of what I'm experiencing. This isn't completely abnormal with twins. She checked my cervix once more and it's still closed but a little soft. Thankfully it's just thinning from the top but not opening. I'm going back in on Tuesday for another appointment so that she can check me again to be sure. While they are concerned that I'm thinning so early the good news is that if Dr B thought I was going to deliver very soon he would have given me the steroid shots for the babies' lungs. Since I'm not getting them yet this is a good sign. From what I understand the shots are only good for a couple of days to a week so they want to hold off as long as possible on those.

This gives me new hope that I'm not going to screw up and deliver these babies so early... They said that while it's indicative of an early delivery it could mean a delivery at 36 weeks... they just can't tell because everyone and every pregnancy is so different. We want to get through these next two weeks at least! My babies have the best chances after that.

Oh and I was going to let you know I'm pretty sure I passed the glucola test... yay no gestational diabetes issues :) I could tell I was paranoid but I love those babies already just like I loved Abby from the moment I knew about her and I can't imagine life without them... right now I'm the only one that can speak on their behalf and I guess if that means I lose a little pride then so be it. At least I'll get checked sooner than 2 weeks... perhaps that will help get me through to the next ultrasound without going crazy....

A new report and it's not good...

Well I'll give you the good news first... the babies are still doing ok. Baby A is measuring in at 1lb 14 oz and Baby B is 1lb 13 oz. There are still no signs of TTTS and my blood pressure is great at 98/70. I'm measuring at 33 weeks (uterus measurement)

Here's where the less than great news comes in... My cervix has thinned/shortened dramatically.... litteraly half of what it was before. I was at a 3.2 and am now at a 1.9.. they start to worry when it falls below 2.4 so you can see our dilema. I knew it wasn't good when the ultrasound tech asked if I had any preterm labor issues with my last pregnancy... asked if they'd ever talked to me about being hospitalized early... and then didnt tell me my measurements right away. Of course I was hoping she was just making small talk but when the doctor came in with two other people I knew it wasn't good. They had been considering admitting me but the one good piece of this is that when Dr. H checked me my cervix was still closed, aka i haven't dilated at all. If it had started to open I would have been in the hospital.

I had some pressure really low last night and some back pain but I kept thinking it was because one of the babies was just pushing harder on me since they are running out of room. I called in but the nurse told me to just lay on my side and see if that helped and to come in if it got worse. The pressure let up a little but my back still hurt... Dr B wasn't very happy that they told me just to lie down but I understand it was most likely because I called so late. Because of the issues with my cervix from now on if I have any suspected symptoms again like blood, pressure, contractions etc etc... I'm to go immediately to the hospital to have my cervix checked. He doesnt like the look of my cervix at all especially for barely 26 weeks. We don't want 26-27 weekers!!!

So I'm home, on extremely limited activity... thankfully I'm still allowed to go to class and clinical next week. But I'm not allowed to go shopping, go for walks, any lifting (outside of Abby if I have to)... I'm not confined to bed yet (because of the potential complications associated with beddrest). This means I can make food, go use the bathroom, basic daily tasks but little more than that. They don't know if the restrictions in activity will help but frankly it's better than nothing. At this point they told me it will either stay the same or get worse...

So needless to say I'm a little sad/disapointed about all of this. It's not easy to slow down even though I need to with the babies. I'm going to have to talk with my professors in class to see if they can help me with parking issues at school. I just don't think it would be good for me to be walking across such a long distance with a backpack on. But I have class in the morning so I'll talk to them then. Everything just seemed to get much crazier now... *sigh*

I'm sorry we didn't get any ultrasound pictures this time. Baby A had her bottom and legs smashed up against B's face and A is so low they couldnt get pictures of her. (Her head is the one pushing so hard on my cervix) I think they are getting more and more 'squished' in there so there might not be many pictures from here on out... we'll just have to see.

Well I'm going to try and lay down for awhile, I'll try to post more later if I think of something I forgot.

'Wow!'-worthy development facts

(A few things I just wanted to share... I find it amazing)

In the womb: Sensing the world outside

You scared me, Ma! Your baby will startle in utero when she hears a loud or sudden noise. This ability appears around 23 weeks, as any pregnant woman in her second or third trimester can attest; if she sneezes, the baby jumps.

But if the same noise is repeated frequently, your baby will get used to it and stop responding. No need to worry — that's a sign that the brain is developing normally, says Lise Eliot, an associate professor of neuroscience at Chicago Medical School and author of What's Going On In There? How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life.

Breathing underwater. Your baby begins to "breathe" while he's still in the womb, even though his lungs aren't taking in any oxygen, says Eliot. At around 27 weeks, his fluid-filled lungs will start to expand and compress due to the rhythmic contractions of your diaphragm and chest muscles, which help him develop the muscles and motor circuits necessary for actual breathing. So by the time your newborn takes his first gulp of real air, he'll have had plenty of practice.

Scent from beyond. Starting around 28 weeks, your baby can smell in the womb the same things that you're smelling outside. Some of the evidence about fetuses' sense of smell comes from preemies: In one study, peppermint extract was held under the noses of pre-term babies. Those younger than 28 weeks didn't respond, while the older ones reacted by sucking, grimacing, or moving away.

Your baby's sense of smell is actually enhanced by the amniotic fluid she's floating in, says Eliot, because we're better able to smell things after the odor molecules join with a liquid (like nasal mucus). During the third trimester, the placenta also lets odor molecules pass through it more easily. So when you order that chicken vindaloo in your ninth month, your baby is taking in the aroma right along with you.

(Cool huh?)

Free At Last!

Two more days until our next appointment and we can see how the twins are doing. They are very active lately and at times give their mother some crazy discomfort. The last few nights have not been great for sleep. I'm exhausted but my legs are so restless and I just can't slow down and relax. My guess is that I'm just overloaded with those wonderful pregnancy hormones. :) Originally I had my appointment scheduled for Friday afternoon but I found out during class yesterday that on Friday in the afternoon I have required clinical time that I would have to reschedule if I missed...

At this point in the pregnancy I don't want to miss a thing that I have to reschedule because the more I get done now... the better! So I called the office and had them reschedule to Thursday. (I don't mind seeing my babies a day earlier!) I'll see Dr H first at 1:45 and we'll do the awesome glucose test that I hope I pass with flying colors. (Yay for orange nasty drink!) Then I'll head up for the ultrasound and appointment with Dr. B. And finally my favorite part... more blood draws. We are going to check my thyroid levels again to see how they are doing.

I'm probably going to bring up to Dr H that I'm experiencing the troubles with breathing again. It's definitely not shortness of breath because I get that alot and know what that feels like. This is different and I'm pretty sure it's related to my allergies. I thought I was going to be able to control it with Claritin or Benedryl but that doesnt seem to be the case as I'm having more of them again. They are awful... your chest gets tight and burns and it just feels like you are suffocating. Myself I'm not so worried about, I just want to make sure it's not affecting the girls in any way. So I'll let you know what she thinks after I talk with her.

I have officialy started to 'outgrow' some of my maternity clothes (now isn't that a scary thought) Just the shirts thankfully and not the pants. A few of my tops just aren't long enough to cover the protruding lump that is now my midsection. My belly button has also popped out more and Abby loves to poke it and say 'Ow? Ow?' It's pretty cute.

Speaking of Abby she is doing much better, has gotten in two more teeth on top of all the other stuff she had to go through and we are going out for the first time in over a week! I am so excited for a grocery run (how pathetic is that) Our house is extremely low on food things and supplies and with company coming this weekend it's not a good feeling. I might also look into getting some of those magnetic locks to put on a few of the drawers in the kitchen to keep Abby out. We've also been working on a new routine for Abby, ONE NAP during the day and bedtime at 8... we've had THREE successful days of this and I hope to make it a habit. It gives me time to study at night before I go to bed and it means less fighting with her over falling asleep because she is just exhausted by the time I let her sleep. It's not easy though because it usually means I have to find things to keep her busy so she doesnt cry around or fall asleep on her own lol.

I have class twice more this week and possibly a play date with one of Abby's friend's from church (and her mommy :) ) on Thursday. I still have to figure out how to do that around our appointment. So this week will fly by quickly (yay!)

Oh and one last side note: I am so happy. Because we were working off of a budget it just didn't allow Tom to pick up anything for me for our 2nd anniversary this last June. But waiting has paid off! He purchased an external hard drive (that I have dubbed Cricket) so that I can put all of my millions of videos and pictures of Abby onto it... and have tons of room for all of our upcoming pictures of the twins! It's absolutely perfect because as most of you know... I'm a tad obsessed with taking pictures of my kids... or anything really :)

Till Thursday.... :)