The bugs have invaded...

Kara (not Kiley as my earlier Facebook post stated) threw up today... all over. I've never seen a little baby throw up so much milk. It was spewing out her nose and mouth and it just kept coming and coming and coming. I was soaked and so was she. I have a  sneaking suspicion she has the flu. So now I'm keeping a diaper and feeding account in case I need to call in if she is getting dehydrated. Both of their diapers have been loose and I've gone through 5 sleepers in the last day. So laundry must get done in case they dirty more...

And... with the pukes... we have the booger bug again. I'm playing with the idea of taking them into the doctor and checking for RSV. For now I think I'll just watch it but last night I was up every 30 minuets because they were having troubles breathing through their noses and were very upset. It makes for a tired mommy! Abby has a bad cough too so she probably has her own version of it... as long as she doesn't start throwing up I'll be happy. Doesnt look like our New Years Eve plans will be very exciting, I'm not even sure if I'll go to my dr's appointment tomorrow.... we aren't going for coffee with the neighbors that is for sure. I do NOT want to get them sick!

Well my pizza is done, I had better eat before Abby gets up from her nap...

P.S It's really nice to be home... even if I'm by myself with sick girls.

If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops....

We have 9 gumdrop pacifiers... 2 orange, 4 purple and 5 pink... God help us if we lose all of these! Kara has the 'drunk baby look' on her face right now, she is enjoying her pink pacifier. Kiley is having another little snack (one that I hope will keep her fed for an hour at least! They have been cluster feeding (eating every 30 minuets or more) at night lately and it makes for an exhausted and sore momma! Two babies= twice the feedings.It gets to be a lot sometimes...

We put Abby to bed at 8 tonight. She is completely worn out. In fact she has been quite a little terror... an amazingly cute one also at times... but exhausting too! I'm hoping that she isn't getting sick, I know that we were gone from our house for almost a week and all of the Christmas excitement probably wore her out... I have her alone with the babies tomorrow so I hope that she behaves... Her latest words? "Babies cry..." or "Oh no... babies cry..." :) My least favorite word she has picked up right now is "Don't!" She tends to use it when she doesnt want us doing something... like stopping her from taking all of the forks out of the silverware drawer or pouring water all over the floor...

She also picked up her cousin's name (who is about 1 month older then her) They had a lot of fun playing together and actually managed to avoid fighting a lot. Once in awhile they had toy fights but they enjoyed each other immensely otherwise. It IS possible she is going through a growth spurt, she is picking up words left and right. Grandma Jo was calling the others to supper saying "People....!" and Abby goes "People!!!" in her attempts to help Grandma get the people to the table so that she could eat. It was quite funny.

Kara has a very stuffy nose and Abby has a cough now... Kara is upset that she can't breathe out of her nose again. Argh... we just can't seem to beat this stuff! It keeps going round and round... oh the joys of having babies in the winter time. My 6 week postpartum appointment is Thursday morning. Our neighbor invited myself and the girls over for a little coffee time so I'm hoping that we can hang out there for a little while before we have to go to my appointment... I really miss having a 'social life' sometimes and talking to people in similar life 'positions.'

And if you hadn't already heard the "Twin Ninjas" (My fantasy football team) is now in the Championship Playoff game... I don't know how we managed to do so well considering I took a 3 week break after the babies were born, but it would be fun to win! I created the Team logo... I think it is pretty cute/funny!

And yes... why haven't I talked about this yet!? I keep meaning to but screaming babies tend to pull me away before I'm truly finished writing. Tom's aunt heard about a 12 days of Christmas contest going on at a radio station. So... she emailed in her wish for diapers for our twins and Abby. Well it turns out they decided they wanted to give us something even though we weren't one of the 12 days of Christmas wishes... so today when we got home and got the mail we found 2 giftcards that added up to 150 dollars! There was also talk of perhaps something else coming but for now we are just excited about the actual gift cards. That will help with diapers!! So THANK YOU!

Midnight Musings...

Kara fell asleep holding my finger tonight, and Kiley is snoring as she sleeps in my lap. I know that I should be getting cozy under the blankets and drifting off to dreamland myself but I've discovered that if I don't write before bed, there is a good chance I won't write at all. Currently I'm at Tom's parent's place... yes we managed to drive down to their place safely. There were a few hairy moments but we made it down safely. I drove carefully and we took our time... but my hands were still stiff from the strain/stress of it. (it's just scary when everything is white!)

Christmas... as always was wonderful here again. I cannot even begin to describe the generosity that has been displayed to us this year. God has truly blessed us with beautiful, wonderful families. They have supported us through so much. Simple gestures like flowers or gift cards to Subway that meant so much... to babysitting and gifts ... but most of all their love and prayers sent heavenward. I remember those first moments when we found out I was pregnant with twins... thinking "God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and that if He gave us this gift... He will also provide us with everything we need." Now 10-11 months later... how true this has been!

*Sigh* the twins are up again... and I'm exhausted. I've come to absolutely dread nights... nothing about them is relaxing and usually I have to spend them alone. Tom has recently taken up sleeping on the couch for both our sakes. This way the babies can sleep in the bed with me and I can still have room to sleep when I can. Plus once in awhile they actually sleep pretty good when they are near me. The biggest downside is that I don't get to sleep with my husband and I have the twins all to myself. Not that he can help me at night anyways since I'm breastfeeding. But it gets lonely... and I miss feeling close to Tom. I haven't seen him much these last few days and it's been a little hard. The car ride down here was the longest I've had him to myself in a week.

We are in desperate need of more gumdrop pacifiers. The worst part is that they don't sell them in stores, only online so I had to order some and it will take awhile to get here.They are the only ones that Kiley & Kara will take with any success. And we have ONE. So right now I have to take the pacifier and give it to whomever needs it most. Like right now Kiley is screaming so I'm trying to get her to take it... with very little luck I might add. I'm so frustrated. Now they are both awake. :( Doesnt look like I'll be getting to bed anytime soon.....

A day after Christmas

This post will be a quick one as both girls are just on the verge of falling asleep. I'm sitting up in my sister's room writing this and it's the first chance I've had to get away for quite awhile. Things have been very busy around here! Wednesday morning the girls and I packed up and drove down to my parent's house. We weren't planning to go down so early but a nasty blizzard was on it's way and I didn't want to get stuck at home on Christmas. Tom joined us later that night.

Officially I'm not sure how much snow we have but I'd have to guess it's around 18-20 inches... the stuff is everywhere! We were hoping to drive down to Tom's parent's for a Christmas gathering there but the interstates didn't get opened up until later this afternoon and I didn't want to risk driving on roads that Safe Travel USA stated were "Travel Not Advised"... especially at night... with three children under the age of two. Amazing how being a parent makes you much more cautious! My dad spent most of the afternoon digging out the driveway and making a path on the road. I haven't seen this much snow in one place since I was a kid... probably back in 1997. My dad's car was completely buried in a snow drift, I heard it was fun to dig out.

How are the girls doing? We've had some hard nights and one good one. The last few days Kara had been increasingly more agitated and upset. I thought for sure it was the reflux (after all who wouldn't be angry if milk was shooting out your nose?) But as the nights got worse and the days longer... I realized she hadn't poo'd in a looooong time... I mean nothing. This isn't unusual for breastfed babies but it still seemed a little odd, and her tummy seemed to be bothering her. SO I thought... well they haven't had a bath in awhile.

I personally find bathing my infants in a cold plastic baby tub (or sponge) is too much hassle. I like to place the babies on my chest and put a little washcloth over them, or bathe them as they lay on my legs. It's some 'kangroo bonding time' for each of us. So this is what I did,  I placed Kara on my chest and bathed her.... then it wasnt long and the craziness broke lose. She went to the bathroom, and it was... by far the nastiest, strangest looking little baby poo ever. I texted Tom "Help!" and he rushed up and helped me clean everything up. So for now I'm keeping a close eye on Kara and her diapers. I'm reeeeeeeeeally hoping this doesn't mean she has a dairy protein intolerance... I don't know if I can survive that diet again, though if I had to I would do it for them.....

But I really need to go to bed before they wake up.... sleep when they sleep right? Hopefully I will be able to post again soon. :) and ... a Merry Late Christmas to all :)

A Twin Momma's Christmas List

10.  Another set of arms.

9.  *8 Hours of sleep EVERY night.

8.  A coffee pot that can automatically set it self to my nonexistent schedule and have a nice hot pot waiting for me every morning.

7.  At least one day a week at the spa for some relaxation.

6.  More hours in the day, most of them being bedtime or nap time hours.

5.  A day at the store where I can just take my time shopping

4.  A housekeeper.

3. To win free diapers for at least two years.

2. Discounts on all the stuff we have to buy 2 of no matter what it is , or where we buy it. 

1. **Two sweet babies and a bouncy giggling toddler**

ZzZzZz

We aren't sleeping again. The last two nights I've been up with them constantly. Right now I'm just hoping that I can get through this last paper of mine and be done with my classes. It's so hard to write when you are so tired. Hopefully I can get some coffee into me and when Abby goes down for a nap I can finish it up. My professor has been so kind about allowing me time to finish this paper late. I hope that I haven't inconvenienced her too much!

Right now I am trying to decide about whether I will be going back into the nursing program this Spring. My adviser called me to tell me that there is one spot open because someone failed. But now that this spot is open I'm not sure I can handle it. There are days I can barely function let alone working on life and death matters. For the moment I'm leaning towards not going back till next Fall. First of all my babies are this little for so long, second nursing is very important to me... I don't want to just 'survive' I want to learn and gain great experience so that I can be a GOOD nurse, thirdly... physically I just don't know if I can handle it.

If I don't go back for nursing I will continue on like before taking general classes towards my BSN. I'm glad I was given a week to decide on this matter. It's a hard decision because I miss nursing a LOT, and I do want to finish and have a job later. But it's only a matter of time before I do so I guess we will see.

Well I need to get working on things. Lots to do today and I have Tom home with me so maybe I'll get something done!

Christmas Party 1

Well it's almost 10 o'clock and we just got home from our Christmas celebrations. I am absolutely exhausted! Tom is currently rocking Abs, she fell asleep briefly on the way home and then woke up when we pulled into the garage. So the good news is that we were able to put her pj's on and give her some milk before bed. On that note we are on our last can of formula for her... does this mean I actually have to try and get her either onto milk or soy milk? Ugh....

The Christmas party I think went pretty well. It wasn't as hard for me to let people hold the babies this time. Though to be honest I trusted every single person that was there this time so that is always helpful! It also helps that the girls are a little older and a little bigger. My Grandma's house WAS really crowded with everyone there but the food was great and everyone seemed to be in a pretty good mood. We even managed to take a family picture... everyone was CRAMMED into it but we accomplished it. I think everyone enjoyed the presents. The babies got a package of diapers and a few cute outfits, Abs got some Duplos and I got a picture frame that has Family on it. Tom got a gift card so hopefully we can use it to go out to eat soon! We both miss going out to eat.

One of my relatives, a PA, says that she thinks that one of the girls definatly has reflux. Something I've suspected now for a few days. They are puking violently out of their mouths and noses, mostly at night. I feel so bad for both of them. They aren't nearly as angry as Abby but there couldn't be another Abby.... lol. My only other concern is that at times when I'm feeding them they choke and cough and cough and cough. I'm just curious if they are aspirating like Abby did way back.

I probably won't call the doctor unless they get sick from it because well... we've been down this road before. I don't think medications will work and I don't think the tests will do much either. So for now we'll just wait it out. I think that is causing a few of our sleeping problems at times. I'm going to buy another swaddling blanket, I still have a gift card from when they were born. It works so well because they don't kick out of it!

Well I need to feed Kiley again, she is fussing. I just got done with Kara.... PLUS I'm really craving some hot chocolate right now!!!

Victory!!

I'm not sure if it was because of the humidifier, the gas drops, or the fact that I started swaddling them... but Kiley and Kara slept from 11pm-3am... were up until 4:30am and then slept till 7:00! This means I got ONE chunk of 4 hour sleep and another of 3 1/2. I feel amazingly refreshed today. Perhaps all of our shopping yesterday was exhausting and they decided to sleep.... or the fact that they cried the entire hour that I was taking my last Sociology test...(Tom couldnt figure out why they were crying but my test was on a timer so I had to finish it)

So shopping yesterday. Wow did we get swarmed! A double stroller with two carseats, with two little pink baby girls is apparently quite an attraction. It was interesting trying to maneuver the giant thing through packed holiday aisles. Everyone loved them though. My youngest brother was along because he had a dentist appointment, and he pushed Abby in a little stroller. I did manage to find 2 presents while we were there. JcPennies had some sales and I managed to pick out an outfit (shirt & jeans) for 18 bucks! I was excited because I was told this little girl that I bought it for doesn't have a lot of nice clothes. The limit was 15 but I think it's ok that I went over a few dollars. I also managed to find something for Tom... though I need to get something else to go with it.

Abby loved all of the Christmas lights and the Christmas music... she kept bouncing and jumping around in her stroller to the beat. She did REALLY well shopping I was so proud. Kiley was the only fussy one and I had to find a dressing room to feed her... and even after she wanted to be held a lot. My mom didn't mind! While I took Kiley to the dressing room my mom went to the food court to get Abby and my brother a mid afternoon munchie. Well the lady at the counter was very concerned as to why there was a baby missing in one of the carseats. (my mom told me this later) I thought it was pretty funny!

But I've learned one thing... shopping with twins you cannot go into a store and get out unnoticed! I had so many people talk with me yesterday! It almost made shopping hard. When we got home I drove Abby and the girls around town and we looked at the lights. It's becoming a tradition lol. Abs just LOVES the preeeeties. She kept calling the lit up reindeer "puppies" :)

I'm not sure what our plan is for today. I think we will go down to my moms so that Abby can play with her uncle and wear out some of this energy. I'm going to wait until after her nap though first because I'm waiting for a Christmas present to come in the mail... eek I hope it comes today or tomorrow! I need it for a family Christmas party tomorrow!

Who needs sleep anyways?

How many hours of sleep can someone survive on... and for how long? Isn't it amazing that more new mothers don't go crazy? Now perhaps my experience is a little biased... I did after all have Abby who woke up every hour for the first 6 months of her life and I now have twins that seem to be teaming up to see how much sleep they can cause their mother to lose.

Last night I snuggled into bed, relaxed, sprawled out... turned off the light and .... wam! Kiley starts choking, I mean really choking. So I hurry up, turn on the light... Tom groans and I see milk spewing out of Kiley's mouth and nose. Poor dear is just trying to breathe and I spend the next two hours trying to get her back to sleep. I snuggle back down into the sheets, completely exhausted, Tom is dead to the world.... flip off the light annnnnd wam! Kara starts choking, this time on her boogers...

Thats how my entire night went. Except for one stretch at 5am where they were both laying wide awake in the bed with me. (I sent Tom to the couch so he could sleep, at least one of us should be rested...) I was so tired by the time I got out of bed at 9am that I was shaking. I hopped into the shower hoping that the hot water would redeem a little of my strength but I couldn't stay in there long because I was afraid I might fall. Eventually a little coffee and some prayers got me moving but I was dreading the long day ahead.

Abby was a little terror earlier this morning but I eventually was able to calm her down. We had a pretty good afternoon for the most part. I laid down around 2:30 on the couch just to rest and she went 'ni night' with me for a bit, snuggling. Then a baby started fussing, I was just going to let her fuss a bit but Abby was very concerned. She took my hand and kept pulling and pulling until I finally got up to get the baby. So much for resting!

My mom picked up a humidifier and we are going to try that to see if that helps the babies sleep a little longer. I hope so! I dont know if I can take another night like last night...Tom is home now and Abby is playing with him. I will probably give Kara a bath a little later. I gave Kiley a bath last night. It's nice to have that bonding time with each one individually. :) My mom ALSO picked up a 'baby sling' so that I can 'wear' the babies when they are fussy and still have free arms. I'm excited to try it out.

Tomorrow we are going shopping!!! With my mom of course... it should be interesting! Hopefully we can finish up our Christmas shopping.

The New Normal

I was thinking about this the other day... our new normal. Sleeping in snatches, eating when I can, cuddling with two babies and a toddler :) It's funny how the moment you think you have things 'figured out', and plans are set in stone... God says... "Nope! I'm still in charge up here!" Not for a moment would I ever trade what I have, I love all three of my girls and my wonderful husband and couldn't imagine life without them. But never in a million years could I have imagined God would bless us in this way... or that we would travel this road...

The other day I was listening to the song "What Faith Can Do" by the band Kutless and it made me tear up. Especially this bit....

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Because I HAVE had hope that doesn't end when the sky is falling... and I HAVE seen miracles just happen, silent prayers (and expressed prayers) get answered....

And I realized... That's what Faith can do.....Isn't it amazing?

Kiley and Kara had their weight check this morning. Kiley is 6lb 15oz and Kara is 7lbs!! Yay! They are both growing well despite their nasty colds. Poor Kara really has a nasty nose and she is very clingy. My poor hun. It makes sleeping hard for me though because I'm constantly trying to clear their noses the best that I can so that they can breathe at night. It makes them so mad when they can't breathe! My mom is watching Abby this morning so that I can get a paper written, so I had better start on that! I can't wait until I'm done with my classes for this semester. It will be nice to just enjoy Christmas :)

By the way.... The answer to the "Which Baby Poll" is...... *drum roll* ..... KILEY!

Congrats to those of you who got it right! Those who didnt... better luck next time!

Blessings

I have a little pink snowbaby curled up on my chest. Kara is so sweet and making little baby noises. Her eyes are wide open and she is looking at my face with her big beautiful eyes. I wonder if their eyes will be as beautiful as Abby's are? Everyone always comments on Abby's eyes. Kiley is snuggling with Dad and trying to nurse from his arm, I wonder how long she will be content with 'searching?'

They slept fairly well last night. I decided to try and give them both a few drops of the Mycloin (sp?) gas drops. It seems they wake up and cry and strain. Something doesn't like their tummies. It seemed to help a little so perhaps I will have to keep trying them. Granted I was still up quite a few times but at least they wouldn't fuss and fuss and fuss.

Tuesday we are going in for another weight check to see how big they have gotten. They will be 1 month old on Tuesday. It's hard to believe how fast time is flying by. Soon they will be dancing around with their older sister and I will really wonder where time has gone!

Today we are probably going to go and visit my Grandparents on my mother's side. I really need to get out of the house. The last 2 days have been really hard around here. The night before last I really struggled and probably cried quite a few times during the night. It does get kind of lonely at home and Abby and I have been home a lot. I did talk to one of my neighbors and we are going to try and set up a play date where we can let our kids play and we can visit. She had a baby girl the week before I did so we both have itty bitties too. She has two older boys too.  We also are going to try and get our family picture taken today. A good friend of mine is going to take it for us. I am excited. I hope we can get a good picture!! Now if only I can find something to wear...

As Christmas nears and my girls snuggle deep into my arms, I ponder on the absolute joy that Mary must have felt. That surging joy and love that envelops you those first few moments and that first cry pierces the air. Honestly I cannot think of a more joyful sound than that of a baby's first cry. If you have ever experienced it you know what I mean. I wonder if Heaven will be like that... this hard struggle and pain and discomfort... though also happy moments and suddenly this amazing burst of joy and love so deep you hardly have words to describe it. :)

Well laundry is calling my name, I have three pj's soaking in the tub with stain remover and two laundry baskets full of dirty laundry. (it never ends...) And since I am feeling ambitious I should get it taken care of. Have a great day!

Thrush :(

Kara is crying and trying to eat my leg as I write this. She is upset that Kiley got to eat first. Unknowingly I think she gets fed first more often because of the two girls she is the most demanding. She wants it right now and will fuss until she gets what she wants. Her personality is most like Abby's though not nearly as severe. I hate letting them cry but with the current thrush situation it is about all that I can handle to let one eat at a time. Two is just too painful.

So yes, I do have thrush and there is a good chance both girls do too. Dr H prescribed me a special creme to use and I need to apply that three times a day. I haven't started it yet because Tom picked it up last night on his way home from work and when I looked at the container it said "For external use only, do not put in mouth." Suuuure... how am I supposed to do that? My girls have to eat! So I waited until this morning to call Dr. H and just be 100% this was ok. The nurse thought it was funny the container said that too so she ran back to double check it. I guess the reason it says external use only is that it is not to be APPLIED to the girl's mouths, it's meant to clear the thrush up on me. She said that as long as I don't apply it just before they eat it should be just fine.

But then I had to put a call into Dr. L (Kiley & Kara's pediatrician) because they also need to be treated or we will just give this stuff back and forth to eachother. So how do I treat them? Well I'm supposed to take a washcloth and wipe out their mouths (please tell me how I'm supposed to do this) then I am supposed to take this purple dye 'stuff' and wipe it along their tongues and the sides of their mouth after EVERY feeding.

I have TWO babies, who eat every 3 hours if not more often (usually is more like 2 if I'm lucky) Each baby takes at least 15-20 minuets to eat. So I'm somehow supposed to get this dye into their mouths after every feeding? Ugh it just sounds daunting... Plus we aren't talking about when they cluster feed (eat a little bit several times... which is usually at night) AND I still have to get them changed... and oh yeah, I still have Abby who is a full time job in herself!

But I need to get rid of this stuff, it is so painful. I put up with feeding them because they need to eat but it is so hard. I really would like to just be able to enjoy the bonding time with each girl. Hopefully this won't last long. The thrush also makes them fussier which means more work for me...

Last night was the first night Abby had to put herself to sleep. Tom rocked her for a bit, laid her in her crib, gently told her it was time for her to go 'ni ni'. When she stood up he'd lay her back down and tell her it was time for 'ni ni' did this several times. Then he turned on her night light. Told her he loved her and that it was time for her to sleep. Shut the door and left. It's hard to hear her calling "Mommy! Daddy!" but she only cried for 10 minuets and then she went to sleep. I think that as hard as this adjustment is for us she is ready for it. I would love to be able to rock her forever but she doesn't make it very fun. She is constantly trying to slap us, drip her bottle all over, wiggle out... that often times I am so frustrated with her that I think it would be better for both of us if she just put herself to sleep. Hopefully she will learn this fast!

For those of you who haven't yet voted on the "Which Baby poll" Please do so soon. Tomorrow I will reveal the 'correct answer' :)

Blizzard and Stuck at Home

Day Two of being trapped at home with the girls. We got around 6-7 inches of snow last night though it is difficult to know exactly how much since it is blowing all over. The real trouble is the windchill, the wind is driving temps down into the negative teens and twenties... so even if we COULD get out it would be 'foolish' to go out because getting stuck somewhere with three little ones with temps that low would be bad. Can't help wanting to get out though...

I didn't even write yesterday because I was so busy taking care of the girls. Abs wasn't feeling good and was really really really naughty and just 'hard.' To top it off Kiley and Kara were really fussy too so I was hopping from one kid to the next to the next. It was a hard day and I was really tired by the time Tom got home. Of course it was nice that he got off at 4pm (so he wouldn't drive home in the dark). By the time we got Abby to sleep Tom and I had had it.

Well I finally got Abby to sleep, I had to take a brief break from writing because 'duty called'. She's been really hard to get to sleep lately. I'm starting to wonder if we are going to have to stop rocking her to sleep. I am dreading having to let her 'cry to sleep' though. Argh. But it took me 45 minuets this afternoon to get her down for her nap. It just takes a lot of time.

Friends of ours from church might be coming out tonight. It would be nice to see some other people! Of course it all depends on the weather, I don't want them traveling if it's nasty outside. But that also means I need to get up the motivation to do a little cleaning around the house. There isn't TONS to do but I should at least straighten things up a little. Part of me would like to just take a nap lol. And then of course there is my homework too... I reeeeeeally need to get this paper written but I'm having troubles finding the time to do it.

I'm feeding Kiley right now, which is how I justify spending some time browsing on the internet lol. I finally decided to put a call into Dr. H this morning. I'm having shooting sharp pains when I feed them and after. I don't have it all the time but when I do it is extremely painful. A few of my Babycenter moms thought it was possible that I had thrush or an infection. The nurse didn't seem to think so and my guess is they will have me call the lactation consultants. Which I am so so on... I just want the pain to stop. Most of the time I can deal pretty well with pain, but psychologically feeding babies=pain isn't pleasant and I start to resent them being hungry, especially at night. Things are just harder to deal with at night when you are exhausted and being woken up constantly. (They were really fussy last night) I had to suction their little noses several times... they were angry angry angry.

I have decided that the trouble with twins is that you never get to enjoy that 'victory feeling' of finally accomplishing getting your fussy baby to sleep. Because the moment you get one calmed down it's time for the next baby, and then the cycle repeats. Though I do have to say that the victory feeling is momentous those times you manage to get both happy....but... despite the hardships it is all worth it! One of 'my fellow twin mommies' lost one of her twins the other day. I cannot imagine the pain she is going through. They were a week old and they don't know what happened. It makes me hold my girls a little tighter, a little longer...

A tree raising :)

We put our tree up!!! And so far it is still in one piece. Abby did manage to pull of light bulbs twice and she even 'played' at trying to eat them... not good. But after dancing around the preeties awhile she left them alone. Our house feels 'festive' and I love it! There won't be any presents under the tree until Christmas morning. Abby is too efficient with unwrapping things!

Last night we stayed over at my parent's place. Kiley and Kara slept with me in my sister's bed and Abs slept in one of my brother's rooms and Tom slept in another room! So we spread out all over the house. K & K sleep really well when they are with me. I can't remember how many times they woke up but it wasn't nearly as often as a few of the nights before. I really needed the sleep, I was dragging really bad by last night. My mom told me a few times that I needed to go to bed. There are just so many things to do! I did leave the lamp on near the bed and I think that might have helped... I think that when K & K wake up they can just look around and tend not to fuss, then they don't wake me up until they are hungry! Perhaps I will have to eliminate my sleeping in the dark. If Tom doesn't end up sleeping on the couch it will be a miracle lol!

Abs, Kiley, Kara and I all have some type of cold. This morning Abs was absolutely miserable. Her eyes were red and she had a runny nose. I think that she had a bit of separation anxiety. My mom got her out of the play pen this morning and I think that she assumed we were gone. She held onto this 'singing stuffed tree' like a security blanket and kept crying and crying... she wouldn't let me go and was very concerned about where daddy went. Eventually we got past this and she was happy again. Kiley and Kara have been very stuffy. They wake up and cry because they can't breathe so I have to take the booger sucker to get them free again. Poor babies. I'm feeling better tonight than I was this morning. I did manage to get a nap in which helped a lot. The headache I had tonight finally went away with some Ibuprofen. Thankfully!!!

A couple from church brought us chicken noodle soup tonight. It was really good. Abby loved seeing them. They held the babies and Abby sensed right away that they were grandparents. She kept trying to get the 'grandma' to play with her. She was sad to see them go. (it was really cute!)

Ok, the girls are stirring so I need to take care of them again. Hopefully we don't get too much snow tomorrow! I wish the weather wasn't going to get so cold, poor Abby won't be able to go outside much for awhile.

Abby's Babies

I just had to post this beautiful picture of my girls! Abby was sooooooo happy that she could hold her sisters. She did really well with them! Now she wants to hold them all the time... still a little too rough to do it on her own!

Just another day at the Dose's

I love it when Tom is home! My days go faster, are less stressful and Abby is less crazy. Speaking of which... I think she snuck downstairs again. That girl... She has a new pink rug and she loves to dance and twirl on it and take all of the clothes out of her drawers. I don't even know how to clean my house anymore, she just loves to explore and take everything out as fast as I can put it back in. Now if only I could teach her to put things back...

Kiley, Kara and Abby are all congested. I had to pull out the booger sucker last night to suck the junk out of their little noses (Kiley and Kara). Oh the dreaded booger sucker how they hate you. But if it helps them breathe we will put up with it. I just hope they aren't catching a cold. It might be the same junk that Abby has though I've assumed lately that hers was related to teething.

Yay... Abby brought me another handful of clothes.... I really really really really need to get someone to help put those child safety locks on our drawers. It would be nice to keep a few things in their place. We had a nice pancake/bacon breakfast (healthy I know) but it gives me a good chunk of calories which I'm working really hard at maintaining. I need to do a better job at drinking more water too, it's hard to stay hydrated!!! I'm trying to store away enough milk in the freezer to make sure we have a good supply just in case I need it. Tom loves that the freezer doors are full of it. It's everywhere!!!

Kiley and Kara both did much better with sleeping last night. They were up every 2 hours but they coordinated schedules so it allowed me to sleep. I discovered that our bassinet has a vibrator/mobile thingy that can be attached. I am going to try and put that on one night and see if that helps. Kara loves the vibration feature on her bouncy seat but the girls get a little squishy when I put them both in it. It also stops after 15 minuets which doesn't help keep them sleeping. My mom gave me a 'womb sounds bear' when Abby was so little and so fussy. This has worked wonders with Kiley and Kara. I think our bedroom was too quiet and they like the soothing sounds of the heartbeat. It means we get the bed to ourselves a little longer and I don't have to be their pacifier.

Well I need to get things around here ready. Tom is going to put a new battery in our van since it's died twice and needed to be jumped. Not safe at all. It would be bad if I got stranded with 2 babies and a toddler somewhere this winter. We are supposed to get snow this week so we need to get that taken care of. I think we are going down to my parent's place today. The Vikings are playing tonight and Tom likes to watch the games with my Dad and brothers. (I guess I'm not as exciting lol) We might stay overnight but haven't quite decided. If it snows it might be nice to avoid driving with all of the crazy traffic.

One final thought before I go. I was looking back at some of the blog entries that I wrote, especially towards the beginning of the pregnancy. It still is amazing we have gotten so far, and been blessed so greatly. God answered our prayers and gave us three little girls that are beyond amazing. He is the reason we've made it this far, and He will continue to provide for all of our needs and at times uncertain future....

He is the Reason for the Season

Appointments and Shopping

Abby had her 18 month check up today... and wow was that a circus! My mom came to my house around 2:30. I had already loaded the two babies and Abby into the van. (Which is a ton of work I might add) We stopped at my school first where I talked with my adviser about next Spring. I thought I had come in early enough but I guess it wasn't fast enough. The classes I need to take online are all filled up already. So... for now I am wait listed and my adviser is  contacting a professor to see if I can get a spot. She asked if I wanted to take chemistry at the school... but the thought of driving up to town twice a week, for one hour 4:00-5:00... isn't going to work. Making my mom watch all three for a mere hour, twice a week, during the most 'sport's booked' hours of the day isn't fair.

So that was frustrating. I also found out that the paper I need signed for my loans has to be signed by someone at the actual college I am enrolled in. SO on Monday I have to drive 45 minuets to the college and get this paper signed so that I have proof that yes, I am still enrolled in school, and NO they shouldn't make my loans all come due. The extra bill would sink us... literally. We just don't have that kind of extra cash lying around. In fact we have 0 extra cash for anything.

Ok... I digress. Abby's appointment renewed my frustrations with my current pediatrician. He is a really nice guy who is GREAT with Abby... who also doesn't really listen to me. I ask questions and get 'generalized' answers... but I don't know any better doctors so I'll deal with it for now and keep pushing my concerns if I have them. But she is doing well developmentally. Her weight and height are just below the 50th percentile.

But it was quite a zoo in that room. 2 crying babies and a toddler who was also trying to help each of the babies. Good thing I wasn't by myself! It was fun that I met a mother who's friend was expecting twins and had a 15 month old. She asked me how I was doing and if it was hard... etc etc. It was nice to talk with her about it. I had several people ooo and awww over Kiley and Kara.


We went to Walmart after the appointment so that I could pick up a few groceries. Wow did we get a lot of looks driving carts, one full of babies and the other with a squirmy toddler and groceries. I bet it was a funny sight. But now our cubboards are full of food again and I think my appetite will improve significantly with the choices I now have. Groceries are expensive though!

Tom is sitting in the recliner right now holding Kara and Kiley. He is laughing because as he strokes Kara's forehead she gets this little happy drunk look on her face. But now they are both crying... I had better go feed them. Check out my latest poll and see how well you do! (Oh and thanks to Sam for the cool Tom & Bri + Thr3E picture!)

Snow Snow Snow

Today we are going down to my parent's place to visit. Abby would like the change of scenery and I could use some time out of the house too. We'll get down there eventually, as soon as I'm not a milk machine and Abs get's breakfast and changed. Sometimes I look at the whole of everything I need to do and it is overwhelming. I need to do a better job of just taking things one step at a time. Things always look a little better over a good cup of coffee. I do love my coffee :)

I found out yesterday that there is a good chance that I will get into the nursing program next Fall. One of the professors I talked to said that she knew of several students who decided that nursing was not for them. That is encouraging to me! I can't wait to be done with school. So that is a positive!

Our mail was interesting yesterday. We got the bill from our hospital... before insurance it was $25,000. WOW. Each ultrasound that I had there at the end was $900-$1600 a piece. And if you remember there were a few times I had them twice a week! There were two doctors at delivery who just 'attended' the delivery 'just in case' ... we got charged $180 dollars PER BABY for that. It just blows my mind. Thank GOD we have the right insurance... we would have been in serious trouble financially otherwise. The Lord does provide! Another twin mommy whose blog I followed (who had her twins at 28 weeks and was on hospital bedrest for months...) got her bill the other day too. 1 MILLION dollars... no joke, it really was that high. Yikes! There is no price you can put on your children but it is amazing how expensive twins can be!

People often ask me how I tell Kiley and Kara apart. Sometimes I look at my babies and wonder... are they really identical? They look so different to me? Perhaps that is a mom's perspective, perhaps they still look different because of where they were in the womb, and their weights and such... but from everything I know, one placenta means identical. So perhaps they will look more alike as they get older.

Kiley: Has a larger bump on the back of her head; Her complexion is lighter, she tends to be calmer than Kara, will calm down faster than Kara

Kara: Has a redder complexion, She likes to curl up in a little ball, she is more of a spitfire (reminds me a little more of Abby at times)

At times I can just... 'tell'

But I need to get off the computer and get going... later!

Just one of those days...

Generic chicken noodle soup is not a bargain, it is awful. I went digging through the cupboards today, found the can and decided to give it a shot. Never again. Now the oven is preheating for a pizza. Our state of food is pretty pathetic. Eventually I either need to make Tom do a little grocery shopping or my mom, or perhaps have her babysit so that I can go. It's impossible to do on my own.

I'm struggling a little today. So if you call, or email or chat with me don't feel bad if I don't respond. We all went to visit my prior fellow nursing students which was really nice. They enjoyed seeing all three of my girls. Abby fell asleep on the way home, I got her in the crib...and she woke up a few minuets later. Of course both Kiley and Kara were hungry and screaming so I had to wait and feed them both first. I put them down in the crib, made a bottle for Abby and tried rocking her. Abby was naughty and kept trying to slap me, she was crying, the babies were crying and I didnt know which to take care of first. Abby was so close to falling asleep so many times. Finally after 45 minuets I felt like I had ignored Kiley and Kara long enough. I put Abby down in her crib and went back upstairs to take care of the other two. Abs screamed and screamed of course calling out for me.

I got the twins changed, fed them again and by the time I was finished Abby had cried herself to sleep. It's 3 o'clock and I still haven't eaten lunch yet. I'm trying to make sure I eat but my appetite has been down a lot lately and I dont know if it's because I just don't 'feel' like making food or I'm just so tired I'm not hungry. Or maybe I feel like there is so much to do I just forget that I have to eat too. Of course I know I need to eat, I'm trying to feed two babies... skipping meals is bad. And I pretty much only had cereal yesterday. (To which I already feel guilty about)

Which brings me to the other thing I'm struggling with. I feel like I'm so much a caregiver that I'm not a mom. I feel like I'm going through the motions of ... feed Kiley, hand her off to be burped, feed Kara, hand her off to be burped, change Kiley, change Kara, change Abby, get Abby a snack, Kiley is hungry again, Kara wants to be fed, both need to be changed again, Abby is getting into the trash again, now she's taking all of the clothes out of the door, she wants me to play with her....

I cried today. I miss cuddling with Abby on the couch and watching cartoons. I miss us being buddies and doing things together and going for walks or running errands. I feel like I'm constantly telling her no. I want to play with her and color and do things like we used to. I really do try, I'm just so tired or I get busy. I miss feeling close. That's why letting her cry herself to sleep this afternoon was so hard.

I wish I could sit and hold Kiley and Kara like I did with Abby. I want to let them play on the floor, and swing in their swing or sit in the bouncy seat. They have to spend so much time in the crib because it's safe from Abby and she keeps me so busy. And because there are two of them I feel like I can't bond with each individually that I'm so busy going from one to the next to Abby. I feel like I'm being cheated out of enjoying them as little babies. They both cry and I often have to choose which one I will comfort first. How do you choose? Do I choose one more than the other out of habit? I try to comfort them both if I can... and then there is Abby.

I feel like a bad mom. I just do. And it makes me sad. Everyone tells me to do what I can and that is all I can do... but what if it isn't enough?

If you made it through that long post congrats. I'm sorry about complaining or 'whining' ... but I just have a lot of things that I'm struggling with today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better....

Weight Checks & Two weeks old today!

We are back! Home sweet home... How nice it was to be back snug in our own beds last night. We had a lot of fun down at Tom's parent's this weekend. His brothers and families came down to visit too. It was nice to see everyone there. Abby had the most fun the first night we were there I think. She was in rare form trying to entertain everyone! I was pleasantly surprised with how well she played with Isaac too. Granted they are both 1 1/2 ish and don't understand the concept of sharing but they enjoyed each other I think.

The girls (all three) were eventually worn out and very clingy. Abby isn't used to the babies crying and so it didn't work as well for all 5 of us to be in the same room. I couldn't keep the babies quiet enough and they would wake her up. She jumped out of both the crib and the play pen!! I couldn't believe it. We left yesterday afternoon because Abby had just HAD it. She was a bit of a spitfire. It was good that she was able to nap on the way home and it gave me time to finish up the bit of homework I hadn't found time or motivation to do.

This morning we went up to town to get Kiley & Kara's weights checked. The clinic was so excited to see the girls. (I used to work there...) It was so nice of them to just let me take them in and get their weights checked. They seem to be so much more accurate with weight checks than our pediatrician. So... I suppose I should say how much they weighed.

Kiley: 5lb 8 oz
Kara: 5lb 9 1/2 oz

They are both ALMOST the same weight! The good news is that they are both up to and a little over their birth weights! Fantastic. :) I'm so happy... with how much I've been feeding them, and how often I had hoped they were gaining great!

Well Abby is down for her nap and I probably should get a few things done. Kara and Kiley just got done eating, (Kara is snoozing in my lab and Kiley is snoozing with Tom in the recliner) We have a busy day planned. I have to run to a different town to turn in some paperwork for insurance 'stuff' and later my mom is coming by to drop off the swingset she bought for Abby for Christmas. Tom is going to try and put it up today while the weather is still nice. I am also hoping that we can decorate the tree out in front of our house since we won't be putting up our Christmas tree ... so far. It's possible we might change our minds. It doesn't feel as "Christmassy' without it... even though I KNOW Abby would tear it apart. We'll see I guess. I always have big plans... they just don't always get done. My first order of business will be getting 2 Christmas "projects" done... I need to order them soon so I'll have them by Christmas!

Black Friday

Tom and I gave Kiley and Kara their first bath last night. Wow they were not huge fans :) Poor things looked so miserable laying there all in the buff. But we got them wrapped up nice and snug in their towels and each got some good snuggle time with Mom and a little something warm for their tummies. AND... for the first night since the hospital they were content to snooze together in their bassinet. The last few nights they had been winding up in bed with me after 4-5 hours of mom struggling with keeping up with their demands. I slept with Abs in bed with us but having two little babies who both want to be tucked up next to you can be interesting. I would have one snuggle up against me on one side and the other would sleep on my chest. It's amazing how aware of your body you can be when you become a new mom. The fact that I could wake up in the exact same position as I fell asleep in is amazing to me.

But anyways.... they snuggled together last night and just woke up every 2 hours to eat... which at times took me an hour to get them both fed and put down again. So I guess I slept in increments of 1 hour. I guess that explains why I'm so tired right now... Thank God for coffee!!!

Thanksgiving went... ok. We arrived late because we had to wait for Abs to finish her nap. She got up at 7am and REALLY needed it. So we got there an hour late and ended up with cold food. No one's fault but ours. I knew that would probably happen. Cold turkey is good though :) I was completely overwhelmed by the people. Gosh I am so paranoid this time!! I never felt like this when Abby was born. Perhaps the media H1N1 hype has gotten to me a little lol. I'm just worried with them both being barely 5lbs that if they got sick they could get really bad. They just don't have anything to lose! So having a large group of people who all want to hold them made me really nervous. In fact I was ready to go about the moment I walked in the door but made myself stay. Everyone really enjoyed seeing them, most couldn't believe how tiny they were. Kiley poo'd in her pj's and of course I had only brought 2 backups and both were dirtied by Kara before we even got there! (I go through a lot of outfits it seems) Thankfully Beth had given us onesies as gifts and so Kiley didn't have to go home completely naked. (We tucked her in the blankets good)

Abby and I put up a few Christmas decorations last night, Abby loved the 'preeties' but we are probably going to avoid putting up the tree this year. I feel bad enough telling Abby to stay away from the babies all the time. I don't want one more thing to have to tell her 'no' about. I should probably go see what she is up to, she just went downstairs again....

A thought to leave you with... We change an average of 20 diapers a day.... TWENTY... sometimes more

Almost Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. How sad that so many jump right from Halloween to Christmas. Thanksgiving might be without presents or many decorations and it certainly isn't a retailors dream... but perhaps we all need to step back and remember what we are thankful for this year. With the economy in the dumps and bad news lurking around all corners it is easy to get lost in the world. So I'm praying that for a moment tomorrow, between the turkey and the football game everyone will take a moment to reflect on what they are thankful for, give their loved one an extra long hug and remember how lucky we all truly are...

Abby and I have hung out with Kiley and Kara all day. I'm sure she is getting a little tired of being cooped up. My mom and little brother stopped by for awhile this morning before they had to go to a few doctor's appointments. Abby really missed him and was glad to see him. They left during Abby's nap (2 hours yay!) It's still a bit of a battle to keep her from the girls. She wants to play with them like they are dolls and just gets too rough. It's exhausting at times to be on constant guard duty. I've been impressed so far as to how well I'm doing being at home with all three by myself. It's not easy but as I have discovered... you can do a lot when you have to.

Kara finally lost her little umbilicus (to Tom's delight, they creep him out) but Kiley is still holding tight to hers. I think we are going to give them their first baths tonight after Abby goes to bed. 8 days and no bath... we sound like horrible parents.. we aren't, just extraordinarily busy and exhausted parents. I'm excited and a little nervous. Giving babies a bath is hard when they are so small and 'floppy' and slippery. lol

It sounds like tomorrow we will be heading to the family Thanksgiving at least for a little bit. My mom is going to 'scope it out' a little and make sure people are healthy before we come. And if I'm uncomfortable with people holding them I'll just tell them no. The thought of staying home again all day tomorrow is not a pleasant thought... so we'll see how it goes.

Well Abby has once again discovered Kiley and Kara... gotta run!

One week old today!

Well lets see. Yesterday we went in for Kiley & Kara's first doctor's appointment. They got poked once again to check their Bilirubin levels. Kiley's dropped from Saturday's level of 12 to 10 and Kara dropped from 14 to 13. They were content to just watch the girls and as long as they didn't get more yellow or stop eating we were ok.

Today we had to go in for an appointment with the lactation people. At this appointment I met with the lactation lady, we had them weighed, fed them and weighed them again. Kiley isn't gaining as well as she should. She only gained 1oz since Friday and has lost more weight than she should have. Kara however is my little piggy and is well on her way to almost being back up to birth weight. So they want me to keep a close eye on Kiley and try to feed her more often (as if I'm not feeding all the time!) She told me to bring Kiley up some time and get a weight check the next time I'm in town so that we keep a close eye on it. If Kiley were an 8lb baby and was having this 'situation' they would be less worried but since Kiley is so little there isn't much wiggle room for error. But it's nothing to be 'concerned' about, I just have to watch it and get her checked out again to see if she starts to catch up.

It was a nice visit though, she said that she couldnt believe how well I was doing with everything and that I'm able to feed them both on my own without bottles. She said she would love to have me come back and talk to couples who are expecting multiples! (The class Tom & I went to) So that is how that visit went.

But we are home now, I'm tired and need to keep an eye on Abby whom is a little rambunctious right now. We are having to work on 'being gentle' with the babies. She loves them too much. :) We still aren't 100% sure what we will be doing for Thanksgiving yet. I'm a little afraid to take the girls to my big family gathering in Humboldt, too many people tend to come when they are sick. I'm pretty sure we will at least be going to Ida Grove Saturday-Monday. We'll see how long exactly we stay. Depends on how things are going and how we are all feeling. Ok have to see what Abby is up to...

5 days old now... wow

I'm losing track of the days a little. Hard to believe it is Sunday. Right now I am writing from my parent's house as Grandpa Timm is holding the twins. Kara is squaking a little so she might be getting hungry. We'll see how long I can stay on...

The girls are doing great. They are both still a little jaundiced but I'm doing my best to make sure they are eating and eating and eating. I wish I had thought to just tell the doctors I would like the bili blanket... it's less invasive than all of the 'pokes' they have had to endure and I wouldn't have to try so hard to feed twins. And yes, there are days I feel like all I do is feed them all the time. Thankfully it is getting a little easier each day. We are learning tricks and I'm figuring out how to manuever two babies at the same time.

Physically I'm doing a little less as well. Right now I have an awful headache and feel in general pretty icky. I'm hoping I don't have an infection. It doesn't help that I'm averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a night. I tried to take a nap this afternoon but wasn't able to fall asleep... how crazy is that? The Tylenol and Ibprofin haven't helped but I'll make it. I just feel a little bad for Abs because I've got so very little to offer her with how exhausted I am.

Tomorrow I have another doctor's appointment for Kiley and Kara. Abby is due for her 18 month appt but I think I will wait to do that until at LEAST after Thanksgiving week. Too much going on right now. Of course there are 2 homework assignments and a test due too... thankfully my Composition professor is very understanding with everything. On a similar note I found out yesterday that I won't be going back into the nursing program next semester :'( It's bittersweet to me, I will have more time to spend with all of my girls but it means delaying everything another semester.... *sigh* But I guess God has meant for me to be a mom now...

Well the computer battery is dying, Kara is hungry and I need to go take a bath to see if I can feel a little better. I'll try and write about the appointment tomorrow.

Day 2 at home

Today felt a little smoother. Perhaps we are getting the hang of this a little. I'm still not getting a lot of sleep but since I expected it, the fact I'm not getting it doesn't bother me as much. They slip out of their little preemie diapers and so they woke up angry twice last night because they were wet and pooey. It is nice that they sleep together so well in the bassinet. When Abby was a baby she NEVER slept unless I was holding her or she was in her swing.

This morning I took Kiley and Kara up to the hospital to get their bilirubin levels checked. I've discovered that I need a LOT of time to get things ready before I go. Each baby needs to be fed, changed, and dressed. Oh yeah... I need to be fed and dressed too, along with a little coffee in hand :) It also is an interesting feat to get two newborns into carseats without their older sister 'helping.' I've also discovered it is a lot of work to get two babies into the hospital on your own. I think it might have been easier if I still wasn't so tired and sore from having these two. But we made it. Poor little things had to get their heels pricked. Their feet are so bruised from all of the times they've had blood drawn. The lab people absolutely loved them and had to come look at them. It was hard though to hear them crying and looking at you like "Mommy why are they hurting me?" I'm so fiercely protective of all of my girls it is always hard to watch them get blood drawn.

We were supposed to come back at 4pm to have a weight check but thankfully the Childbirth Resource Center called and said they had an opening at 11:30 and wanted to know if I could come earlier. To which I was VERY happy to do! We went and visited Tom at work, I fed them and we went back to the hospital for the second time that day. They checked each girl's vitals, weights and than had me feed them. I REALLY need to paint one of the girl's nails so that I can keep them straight with one glance. I was tired and got them mixed up twice. Kiley has a larger 'bump' on the back of her head from delivery and that is how I was finally able to tell who was who. Kara drank 1oz and Kiley drank 1 1/2. The nurse was VERY impressed with how well they drank. She told me I no longer need to worry about supplementing their diets with formula. She also told me it was very unusual for 36 weekers to drink this well. Yay girls! Kiley has lost some weight since yesterday and both girls are 4lb 13oz now.

The pediatrician's office called me later this afternoon to tell me that Kiley's bili had risen to 11.5 (up from 8.5 yesterday) When I asked about Kiley's they sounded confused and said they didn't have the levels from the lab. They called me later to say that something happened and the lab had lost her blood. The lab did call later to appologize and state that they would not be charging me for the blood draws but that I need to come back in tomorrow to get them drawn again. *sigh* I don't mind doing it to make sure my girls are healthy but I hate to have to poke them AGAIN. Not to mention that I need to go up there once again! I'm to the point where I just want them to give me the bili blanket and stop poking them. So more pokes tomorrow :(

Abby is doing so well adjusting to the roll of big sister. She loves them so much. Our biggest concern is her being gentle with the girls. She's learning...and just doesnt quite understand how fragile they are. It's fun to see how much she wants to help though. I think Abby is liking that life is starting to take on some realm of 'normalcy' again. Mom and Dad were home tonight and I was able to put her to sleep. I think she needed the cuddle time. 

Well I'm just finishing feeding Kiley and Kara already had her fill... therefore it is time to go to bed before the next feeding. Continue to keep us all in your prayers as we navigate this new chapter in our lives.

A New Chapter

This post is long overdue but with everything going on it has been difficult to have time. The girls are here and amazing and beautiful and healthy. Praise the Lord. I will try and post their birth story sometime but tonight I just don't have the clear mind to do so.

We came home from the hospital today. We were dismissed at 1:00pm. There are moments when I think that I should have listened to Dr. H and stayed longer to rest... but I just wanted to go home and see Abby. I missed my home. Tom's mom is here and has helped around the house a lot. She made supper tonight which was SO much better than hospital food. I wish I could have eaten more. I played with Abby some after we came home, she gave me the biggest hug.

I think I'm going to head to bed here soon. I've gotten 5 hours of sleep or less for the last three or four nights and having babies and the stress of everything is getting to me. Please pray that I can learn to balance everything. Tomorrow I have to take Kiley and Kara in to get their bilirubins checked in the morning. Then at 4 something we have to go back up to get checked out to make sure we are all doing ok. We have to go in Monday for another appointment and Tuesday I go in to meet with the breastfeeding appointment. So much for leaving the hospital... but at least I was able to take them home.

Tom just got Abby to bed for me. I think I should sleep while there is someone to watch Kara and Kiley for awhile. I'll try to post more later.

Tomorrow!!!!!!!

This is it!

Less than 24 hours from now I will be checked into the hospital. Sometimes it still feels like a dream, that they will call me up and tell me that they have changed their minds. I keep running through the scenarios in my mind and trying to prepare myself. It is probably a little crazy but I'm excited... and nervous... and a little scared. Not scared in a terrified way... more like, I remember what it was like to have Abby and the thought of that is a little overwhelming. Is being naive better than knowing? Though I know it will be different, that each birth(s) is different.

Yesterday I was reading up on epidurals a little more, since I've never had one... and they mentioned that most give them when you are between 4-5 cm dilated. Hah... I'll most likely be almost 4 by the time we start! Of course you need to be in active labor too. What I think I'll end up doing is waiting as long as possible to get one and have the nurses just tell me when we are getting to "The point of no return" I dont want to slow down labor and I sure don't want to give my babies any problems because I had it. Who knows... if it goes fast enough maybe I won't even need one! (One can only hope)

I haven't been able to sleep well in the last few days, and it has nothing to do with thinking or being nervous. The babies are 'sliding' so far up when I lay down to sleep that they are literally right on top of my ribs. It hurts so much! Saturday night I was up every, single, hour... last night wasn't AS bad but I was up more than four times and that is enough. I guess the girls think they are getting me ready for when they come. I sure am ready for them to come!

I've been in cleaning mode too. I had Tom help me rearrange the basement so that the guest bed is in a better position. (Looks so much better) and I organized a little down there. There is still a lot to do but I don't have the power to do that much that fast! Two loads of laundry are done and the dishes have been unloaded and loaded. With how many times I've picked up you would think the house would be squeaky clean... but not with Abby around!

Tom has a cold... ugh. I'm hoping he will be over it by tomorrow! I dont know what they do with parents when they are sick. Perhaps they will have him wear a mask? I wonder if it is the same thing Abby has been battling. I'm praying he gets over it and that I don't catch it!!!

I will not post updates on Facebook as to how labor is going. Depending on how everything went and when the girls arrive I may post a birth announcement and picture on Facebook and on here. It will not be my first priority I am sorry to say. We plan on texting a picture & announcement out soon after they are born. We will also inform you at that time if we would rather have you wait to visit or stop by. Again a lot will depend on when they come. If you want to be on this list and aren't sure if I have your cell number please message me via Facebook or leave a comment below and I will contact you. (I don't want to put my personal contact information up for people to see)

Also: If you are feeling REMOTELY sick at all... please refrain from visiting us in the hospital. The girls will be still very small and can easily catch something and get very sick. We also ask that you wash your hands at the sink before coming into the room as a precaution. (I'm sorry... there is just so much going around I hate to risk my girl's health after everything we have been through)

Ok! I think that is it! I need to finish a few things before I head up to Sioux Falls to do some last minuet errands. Thank you for all of the prayers and thoughts... God has brought us so far and I am thankful for all of you. Please pray for us tomorrow... (and for me) that I will have the strength and the endurance to bring these little girls safely into the world.

Thirty Six Weeks! 3 days till delivery day!

Well everyone... we made it! Thirty six weeks! How awesome is that! Babies looked good at the appointment yesterday. A was practicing her breathing so much the tech was having a hard time getting her heartbeat! Which was 154 by the way. They measured her in at 5lb 3 ounces but can't be sure if that is correct because her head is locked so far down in my pelvis they could barely get a glimpse of her. The only issue with this is that I saw her hand on top of her head... not a great position to be pushed out in. I will talk with the people on Tuesday (or sooner) when I go in to have them and make sure this is ok. I don't want to dislocate her shoulder!

B measured in at 5lb 1 oz... and get this. SHE FLIPPED... AGAIN! Unbeliveable actually. They could not believe she flipped once let alone twice! They are ordering an ultrasound to check positions before we induce and make sure she hasn't done anything too crazy. She passed her BPP ultrasound with flying colors too and it looks like they will be born nice and healthy :)

We go in at 7am on Tuesday morning to get set up for delivery. They said it will probably take an hour to get that process started. Tom's mother has graciously offered to watch Abby for us and she will be coming up Monday mid day if all goes as planned. This is so nice... I won't have to be alone all day before we deliver! (Tom has to work) We probably won't be going to church tomorrow. I don't want to chance getting sick. I think Abby caught her recent virus from the nursery again. It's the only place we can think of where she might have gotten it. I would just rather be safe than sorry.

I'm going to deliver these babies vaginally but I think that I'm going to opt for the epidural just in case. There is a greater chance for an emergency c-section with this pregnancy and I don't want to miss the birth of one or both of my babies because I'm 'knocked out.' Of course this is purely my intention, anything can happen :)

But honestly I think that is about it. We are counting down the days and trying to stay busy so that the days don't draaaaaaaaaaag. Today will probably be the hardest for me because Tom has to work till 4. The rest of the weekend we should be busy thankfully.

Thanks for all of the prayers! God has answered so many prayers for us throughout this pregnancy and has watched over our little girls. We can't wait to meet them and share them all with you. Please continue to pray for a safe delivery and fat healthy babies!

We have a date!

Dr. H's nurse called me back yesterday morning and said that Dr. B had talked with Dr. H and he wants the babies delivered early next week if they haven't already come on their own! I chose Tuesday because Dr. H will be on call all that day and that night so depending on what I choose I have a pretty good chance of her being there to deliver my babies- something I really want since she delivered Abs and did such a great job last time!

Tomorrow I go in for an ultrasound at 10, then see Dr. B, then see Dr. H to discuss everything about the babies and Tuesday. I've been really struggling to decide whether I would like to do a c-section or vaginal birth with B being breech. There have been people on both sides of the spectrum that have strong opinions either way. I know that when it comes down to it the choice will be mine and mine alone... but it's still hard. I talked to one friend whom had a c-section and she said things perfectly. That no matter what I choose I will always wonder if the other was the right choice. I think I'm going to have to do my best to let some of the weight on the choice of HOW my girls are born go... the important thing is that they are here safe.

I had Abby naturally last time, without an epidural or anything. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but also one of the most amazing things ever. I think this is the part of me that wants to try for a vaginal birth. Because I know what to expect (somewhat) and I remember how great it felt. The recovery for a c-section is longer but my friend said she was up walking that next day and that she really didn't feel too bad. That she was sore but able to get around ok. Hmmm..... sometimes I wish I didn't have the choice. Perhaps I'll get lucky and little stinker baby B will be facing the right direction. They would check her again on Tuesday before they did anything too... so we have 2 potential shots of not having to choose.

Right now I'm in a strange nesting mode. I've never had a "that's it" date. The babies' nursery is pretty much ready and our bags are packed. Except for Abby's now that I think of it. Though if Tom's mom is able to come up and watch her that morning so we don't have to disturb her pattern too much that would be great. I'm still very curious to see how she reacts to all of this... it is going to be a big adjustment. Especially mom being gone for a few days. So pray that she is able to adjust without too much trauma. I have a few homework assignments that I reallllllly need to get done. It's just so hard to concentrate on them! Especially since they are writing assignments. Hopefully I can get them done. :)

So keep us in your prayers as we count down these last few days of the pregnancy. The journey has been long but the reward will be grand. I will update again after the appointment on Tuesday with more details. :)

Four Days

Well this will be a short update because I am expecting my friend Amanda to show up pretty soon. Abby just went down for a nap (kinda late) but by the time I got her from my mom it was almost three.

There isn't a TON to report but Dr H and I discussed B being breech. She said that she had only delivered 10 babies breech in her career. They just don't do it much anymore. In fact the situation I am in is the ONLY one they would think about doing a vaginal birth with a breech baby. If this was my first pregnancy I wouldn't get the choice, If A was head down they wouldn't... She said that she would be uncomfortable delivering B alone and that if I did choose to go vaginal she would have someone come to assist her. I am thankful for her honesty and for working to give me that choice. Most doctors if they are uncomfortable are unwilling to give the patient the choice.

She hadn't had a chance to talk to Dr. B yet about what he was thinking as far as scheduling a date. She was going to call him today and then get ahold of me. So far I haven't heard anything. Her impression is that he wanted to deliver between 35-37 weeks so there is a good chance that if the babies aren't here on their own by Friday we will schedule a time next week. I'm so ready. I told her that once we made it to 36 weeks I was ready. The babies wouldn't have to be in the NICU unless they were really struggling!!!

Friday we have a growth ultrasound and an appt with Dr. B... I'm sure I'll know more about what will happen in the next week by then. Of course the girls can still come on their own. Dr. H told me that she couldn't believe I was still pregnant. I replied "Me too..." But at least we are getting close!!! I'm so excited. I'm about 3.5 cm dilated now... good grief come on babies!!! Stubborn little buggers! :)

Ok, going to lay down a bit before Amanda gets here. So we are waiting for Friday!!!

THIRTY FIVE WEEKS

One more week and we've made it to my goal! It's getting so close it makes me very excited and a little nervous. I have no idea what I'll do once I go past that! It's no secret, I'm getting a little tired of being pregnant. lol The biggest thing that is bothering me lately is the swelling I'm getting in my hands, face, legs, feet... not only is it uncomfortable it's a little hard on the self esteem. Up until this point I knew I had a good sized tummy, felt big but now I'm beginning to feel fat. I had this with Abby and frankly I remember how much 'fun' it is. It doesn't help that I'm getting to the point where 99% of my clothes doesn't fit... meaning it doesn't cover my belly. Eek! As flattering as the stretch marks are... I'm not waving that flag around! So t-shirts it is. And when I say t-shirts... I don't fit into MY t-shirts... or most of Tom's... Blech... (Can you tell I haven't posted any pictures of myself in 3 weeks... I probably should take a picture of the 'egg' (as I call it) but just haven't had the motivation...

BUT I've gotten the babies to 35 weeks and I'm proud of that accomplishment. If you are praying that I make it to 38 weeks... please don't tell me.... lol the thought of 3 more weeks like this is overwhelming to me...

Here is what our babies are up to lately:

How your baby's growing:

Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.
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Today we are heading down to my mom's place. I've had Abs home alone for the last 2 days and I think she's VERY ready to get out. It's cute because she's been working very hard at saying "Grandma" (She has said Grandpa for like 5 months now!) and she finally has a word for it.... "Mawma" ... you would have to hear it to distinguish it and some might think she's saying Momma... but her word for me is Mommy so I know that it's different. She also calls one of my brothers "Unca Dee" and she's working on my sister "Tippy"... I think her favorite thing to tell me is that she has a 'steeeeenky' ... im not always as thrilled to hear it.

Well unless anything worth posting comes up I probably won't be back until Tuesday when I have my next appointment with Dr. H and I'll find more out about c-sections or inductions or what my next few weeks might be like. And here is a final thought to leave you with....

As someone who ran cross country for 6 years of my life... this point reminds me of that backstretch... where the finish line is looming in the distance and every fiber of your being wants to cross that silly line. Your body feels like it's falling apart, you are exhausted and don't feel like you can go on but the crowds are calling you in. It's funny how many things in life can be compared to a long distance race. There is the pain, the work, the discomfort the hardship... but I'm looking forward to crossing that finish line!!! To holding my babies in my arms, kissing their sweet faces and feeling that unbelievable joy and love that floods through you.... That is what I'm holding out for! And it won't be long now...