A paranoid mother..

At first I thought I was going to be able to handle everything. I got out of bed, showered, made lunch and got prepared for another day of lecture and some clinical hours. Not thinking about things does wonders for that! I've discovered that having an increased amount of pregnancy hormones and then receiving some scary news is enough to push me lol. I made it through most of class without thinking about it, even though I was worried because I still feel that pressure so low. Was just headed back to class after a break when a professor of mine stopped me to talk with me about what was going on with the babies and that's when my shell cracked.

She really was just trying to be suportive and let me know that the deadline for getting my full tuition back was next Thursday and that they were concerned about me and didn't want those babies coming early because of school. I doubt she expected that I would break down in tears right there in the hallway but I just couldn't hold it back anymore. Literally it was almost more awful feeling than the Vasa Previa news... I was terrified that if I made a wrong move or too many moves that I was going to send myself into labor and that my twins would come early and that they would end up with all these mental or physical problems or possibly even die.

You can see my state of mind at this point. Then add the stress of suddenly making me feel like I wasn't going to make it to November and that I was being selfish trying to finish school while putting my babies further at risk. PLUS then I was feeling really crushed at the thought of having to drop out of school for a semester and re-apply to the nursing program and that all of my student loans were going to come due and we already struggle financially without my 2nd job and how were we going to do it? The poor professor... she had no idea what emotional pregnant wreck she had walked into...

So I called my mom, and cried... and felt a little better. Then called the doctor's office, told them I was now overly paranoid, not handling this very well and really wanted to be checked out before the weekend and that I just needed to discuss all of this with the Dr who knew my medical history and what was going on. They took awhile to get back to me but I did get in pretty quickly. They took a cervical length which was 2.0 pretty much unchanged from yesterday and then did an NST (Non-Stress Test) which can measure the babies' heart rates and if I'm having any contractions. They didn't like being on those monitors and were kicking and squirming all over, the lady had to hold the monitors on me to keep track of their heartbeats.

The good news is that Dr H didn't see anything she would consider contractions on the NST strip. She said that my uterus does look a little irritable which might account for some of what I'm experiencing. This isn't completely abnormal with twins. She checked my cervix once more and it's still closed but a little soft. Thankfully it's just thinning from the top but not opening. I'm going back in on Tuesday for another appointment so that she can check me again to be sure. While they are concerned that I'm thinning so early the good news is that if Dr B thought I was going to deliver very soon he would have given me the steroid shots for the babies' lungs. Since I'm not getting them yet this is a good sign. From what I understand the shots are only good for a couple of days to a week so they want to hold off as long as possible on those.

This gives me new hope that I'm not going to screw up and deliver these babies so early... They said that while it's indicative of an early delivery it could mean a delivery at 36 weeks... they just can't tell because everyone and every pregnancy is so different. We want to get through these next two weeks at least! My babies have the best chances after that.

Oh and I was going to let you know I'm pretty sure I passed the glucola test... yay no gestational diabetes issues :) I could tell I was paranoid but I love those babies already just like I loved Abby from the moment I knew about her and I can't imagine life without them... right now I'm the only one that can speak on their behalf and I guess if that means I lose a little pride then so be it. At least I'll get checked sooner than 2 weeks... perhaps that will help get me through to the next ultrasound without going crazy....

A new report and it's not good...

Well I'll give you the good news first... the babies are still doing ok. Baby A is measuring in at 1lb 14 oz and Baby B is 1lb 13 oz. There are still no signs of TTTS and my blood pressure is great at 98/70. I'm measuring at 33 weeks (uterus measurement)

Here's where the less than great news comes in... My cervix has thinned/shortened dramatically.... litteraly half of what it was before. I was at a 3.2 and am now at a 1.9.. they start to worry when it falls below 2.4 so you can see our dilema. I knew it wasn't good when the ultrasound tech asked if I had any preterm labor issues with my last pregnancy... asked if they'd ever talked to me about being hospitalized early... and then didnt tell me my measurements right away. Of course I was hoping she was just making small talk but when the doctor came in with two other people I knew it wasn't good. They had been considering admitting me but the one good piece of this is that when Dr. H checked me my cervix was still closed, aka i haven't dilated at all. If it had started to open I would have been in the hospital.

I had some pressure really low last night and some back pain but I kept thinking it was because one of the babies was just pushing harder on me since they are running out of room. I called in but the nurse told me to just lay on my side and see if that helped and to come in if it got worse. The pressure let up a little but my back still hurt... Dr B wasn't very happy that they told me just to lie down but I understand it was most likely because I called so late. Because of the issues with my cervix from now on if I have any suspected symptoms again like blood, pressure, contractions etc etc... I'm to go immediately to the hospital to have my cervix checked. He doesnt like the look of my cervix at all especially for barely 26 weeks. We don't want 26-27 weekers!!!

So I'm home, on extremely limited activity... thankfully I'm still allowed to go to class and clinical next week. But I'm not allowed to go shopping, go for walks, any lifting (outside of Abby if I have to)... I'm not confined to bed yet (because of the potential complications associated with beddrest). This means I can make food, go use the bathroom, basic daily tasks but little more than that. They don't know if the restrictions in activity will help but frankly it's better than nothing. At this point they told me it will either stay the same or get worse...

So needless to say I'm a little sad/disapointed about all of this. It's not easy to slow down even though I need to with the babies. I'm going to have to talk with my professors in class to see if they can help me with parking issues at school. I just don't think it would be good for me to be walking across such a long distance with a backpack on. But I have class in the morning so I'll talk to them then. Everything just seemed to get much crazier now... *sigh*

I'm sorry we didn't get any ultrasound pictures this time. Baby A had her bottom and legs smashed up against B's face and A is so low they couldnt get pictures of her. (Her head is the one pushing so hard on my cervix) I think they are getting more and more 'squished' in there so there might not be many pictures from here on out... we'll just have to see.

Well I'm going to try and lay down for awhile, I'll try to post more later if I think of something I forgot.

'Wow!'-worthy development facts

(A few things I just wanted to share... I find it amazing)

In the womb: Sensing the world outside

You scared me, Ma! Your baby will startle in utero when she hears a loud or sudden noise. This ability appears around 23 weeks, as any pregnant woman in her second or third trimester can attest; if she sneezes, the baby jumps.

But if the same noise is repeated frequently, your baby will get used to it and stop responding. No need to worry — that's a sign that the brain is developing normally, says Lise Eliot, an associate professor of neuroscience at Chicago Medical School and author of What's Going On In There? How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life.

Breathing underwater. Your baby begins to "breathe" while he's still in the womb, even though his lungs aren't taking in any oxygen, says Eliot. At around 27 weeks, his fluid-filled lungs will start to expand and compress due to the rhythmic contractions of your diaphragm and chest muscles, which help him develop the muscles and motor circuits necessary for actual breathing. So by the time your newborn takes his first gulp of real air, he'll have had plenty of practice.

Scent from beyond. Starting around 28 weeks, your baby can smell in the womb the same things that you're smelling outside. Some of the evidence about fetuses' sense of smell comes from preemies: In one study, peppermint extract was held under the noses of pre-term babies. Those younger than 28 weeks didn't respond, while the older ones reacted by sucking, grimacing, or moving away.

Your baby's sense of smell is actually enhanced by the amniotic fluid she's floating in, says Eliot, because we're better able to smell things after the odor molecules join with a liquid (like nasal mucus). During the third trimester, the placenta also lets odor molecules pass through it more easily. So when you order that chicken vindaloo in your ninth month, your baby is taking in the aroma right along with you.

(Cool huh?)

Free At Last!

Two more days until our next appointment and we can see how the twins are doing. They are very active lately and at times give their mother some crazy discomfort. The last few nights have not been great for sleep. I'm exhausted but my legs are so restless and I just can't slow down and relax. My guess is that I'm just overloaded with those wonderful pregnancy hormones. :) Originally I had my appointment scheduled for Friday afternoon but I found out during class yesterday that on Friday in the afternoon I have required clinical time that I would have to reschedule if I missed...

At this point in the pregnancy I don't want to miss a thing that I have to reschedule because the more I get done now... the better! So I called the office and had them reschedule to Thursday. (I don't mind seeing my babies a day earlier!) I'll see Dr H first at 1:45 and we'll do the awesome glucose test that I hope I pass with flying colors. (Yay for orange nasty drink!) Then I'll head up for the ultrasound and appointment with Dr. B. And finally my favorite part... more blood draws. We are going to check my thyroid levels again to see how they are doing.

I'm probably going to bring up to Dr H that I'm experiencing the troubles with breathing again. It's definitely not shortness of breath because I get that alot and know what that feels like. This is different and I'm pretty sure it's related to my allergies. I thought I was going to be able to control it with Claritin or Benedryl but that doesnt seem to be the case as I'm having more of them again. They are awful... your chest gets tight and burns and it just feels like you are suffocating. Myself I'm not so worried about, I just want to make sure it's not affecting the girls in any way. So I'll let you know what she thinks after I talk with her.

I have officialy started to 'outgrow' some of my maternity clothes (now isn't that a scary thought) Just the shirts thankfully and not the pants. A few of my tops just aren't long enough to cover the protruding lump that is now my midsection. My belly button has also popped out more and Abby loves to poke it and say 'Ow? Ow?' It's pretty cute.

Speaking of Abby she is doing much better, has gotten in two more teeth on top of all the other stuff she had to go through and we are going out for the first time in over a week! I am so excited for a grocery run (how pathetic is that) Our house is extremely low on food things and supplies and with company coming this weekend it's not a good feeling. I might also look into getting some of those magnetic locks to put on a few of the drawers in the kitchen to keep Abby out. We've also been working on a new routine for Abby, ONE NAP during the day and bedtime at 8... we've had THREE successful days of this and I hope to make it a habit. It gives me time to study at night before I go to bed and it means less fighting with her over falling asleep because she is just exhausted by the time I let her sleep. It's not easy though because it usually means I have to find things to keep her busy so she doesnt cry around or fall asleep on her own lol.

I have class twice more this week and possibly a play date with one of Abby's friend's from church (and her mommy :) ) on Thursday. I still have to figure out how to do that around our appointment. So this week will fly by quickly (yay!)

Oh and one last side note: I am so happy. Because we were working off of a budget it just didn't allow Tom to pick up anything for me for our 2nd anniversary this last June. But waiting has paid off! He purchased an external hard drive (that I have dubbed Cricket) so that I can put all of my millions of videos and pictures of Abby onto it... and have tons of room for all of our upcoming pictures of the twins! It's absolutely perfect because as most of you know... I'm a tad obsessed with taking pictures of my kids... or anything really :)

Till Thursday.... :)

TwEnTy FiVe WeEks

TwEnTy FiVe WeEks!!!!!Apparantly my babies each rivals the average rutabaga in weight -- about 1 1/2 pounds. (hahahaha) I can just picture them ganging up on rutabagas (and of course winning because they are Dose babies!) By the way, rutabagas (the picture I posted...) aren't attractive veggies.

But here is my happy dance for making it one more week, one step closer to getting these babies here safely and without NICU time or lingering health issues. TEN weeks... thats it guys... The countdown is beginning! They could be here within 9-12 weeks... I don't know why I have a feeling they are coming in at 35 weeks, maybe that is just hopeful thinking lol.

Abs is 'dancing' with her daddy in front of the TV to a "Silly Song with Larry" from Veggie Tales. I know it sounds like we watch a lot of tv whenever I post but that is mostly due to the fact that it's the ONLY time she allows me to sit down and type. I have a feeling that once I finish my 'must have' morning coffee we will be pondering a walk around town. We might have to wait a little while just because it is so cool outside this morning! Can you believe how quickly the weather turned??? Yesterday gave me the much needed break I well... needed. It was great to have other people to pitch in and help with her. My mom can't remember any of her kids that got the chickenpox this bad... but imagine that... Abby does something none of us expects? lol

But I'm feeling much better if a ... little worried that we are spending another day at home. (My family is moving my brother Michael to college today) We can't run around too many places because all of her spots havent yet 'scabbed' over. This means we probably won't be going to church tomorrow, I think we've exposed them enough as it is. It will be ok though, Abby and I will just have to find things to do. Our neighbor is home so if we get too bored we can always go talk with her.

If you are keeping up on how are babies are developing here are the latest goings on at this point in their gestational age:

How your baby's growing

Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.

The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. She may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other. She's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of her lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when she's born and takes that first gulp of air.
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Well... that's it for now. Hope everyone is having a great Saturday and has fun things planned for the weekend!

We're still here...

I'm tired... so I appologize if it sounds like lately all I update you on is how crazy things are around here. The beginning of this entry is probably going to sound like a vent... and thats probably because it is. This chickenpox has turned out to be a more worthy foe that I had dreamed it would be. Yesterday turned out to be awful. Abby was awful and we were stuck at home. Today I wouldn't be surprised if we headed into Beresford before even her first nap... I'm just that stretched thin and I really need someone to help me with her.

The itchies have kicked in hard core. I should be thankful that at least it took this long but frankly trying to keep Abby from doing ANYTHING is hard. She also started pulling out her hair like crazy so I am losing that battle too... :( I tried taking her outside around 4pm yesterday but she threw temper tantrums and screamed and was just not happy so we went back in. Later I realized her eyes might have just been sensitive. Too bad she won't leave sunglasses or a hat on at all. I think I couldve handled it better but she took one nap, one all day... and then she didn't even go to bed till 11pm and she fought me tooth and nail. I ended up getting pretty frazzled at one point and I'm sure if anyone had come into our house they wouldve turned right back around. She was crying, so I was crying and then she poked me in the eyes because she saw my tears so I cried harder and then she was bawling... I'm sure it would've been hilarious if I hadn't been so exhausted and Abby hadn't been so miserable.

Oh the things I will have to tell her when she gets older! Abby can't just do anything... she has to do everything to the extreme! I guess life is never dull but I will be glad when this stuff is done... The babies are doing good as far as I can tell, I've been dealing with off again on again morning nausea... though a lot of that could be due to how crazy this last week has been.

I did start putting Abby's antiviral medication into her bottle. The fight of shoving a tsp down her throat (we use the syringe) four times a day on top of some of the other things she has to take was getting to be too much. The ever enlarging stomach is turning out to be a slight disability when it comes to dealing with Abby's not feeling good.

This morning she is sitting next to me in the chair with her blanket watching her cartoons on PBS. At least she is for the moment. We've already had a few struggles this morning, she didnt wake up happy and I heard her crying at least twice last night. I'm sure something is bothering her but I don't know how to make her feel better. It's a little funny that through all of this she's become attached to her blanket. She holds it for naps now, and just carries it around a lot. (She never used to do this)

Well my house is a mess, my daughter looks like she lost a huge battle with mosquitos and I haven't showered in two days... With luck today will be better but at least I can be thankful that I 'have' to put up with all of this. There are so many people who would give anything to have a little girl.... even if she has to get chickenpox for a week... or two...

(by the way I chose the picture of cows because Abby likes the 'moos')

Perhaps headway at last?

This morning she is running only a slight temp, 100-101? Difficult to tell because she keeps pulling the thermometer out before I can get an accurate reading... which is great because yesterday she was so out of it she wouldnt even do that? Perhaps our aresenal of medications is beginning to put a dent in this nasty pox! But she's up and picking at some bacon and a pancake and watching Super Readers (one of her favorite shows because they do the alphabet and letters and she loves them)

I didn't have the heart to post last night after everything that was going on. I had wiped after using the bathroom and got some bright red blood... thankfully just a little but it freaked me out and as stressed out and exhausted as I was it was the last thing I needed. After some real debating I finally decided I had better call the doctor, fully expecting that I was going to have to have my mom drive up to Worthing to watch Abs, drive up to Sioux Falls and head into the hospital to get checked out... aka an even longer night to add to a long day

THANKFULLY, they just told me to keep an eye on it... if I bled more or started having symptoms (aka contractions) to come up. So I laid down, tried to relax as much as I could with Abby until Tom came home. He made the bacon and pancakes that we are eating this morning and the two of us tried to survive until Abby fell asleep around 11. I finally convinced myself that A) I wasn't going into labor and that B) the babies were doing ok... and I slept REALLY hard. In fact I woke up at 2 thinking it was the morning. I'm still tempted to put in a call to the doctor to ask her to check out the babies and reassure me that it's not all in my head and that the babies are ok. But Abby is done with breakfast and I could use my morning coffee life blood... will update more later if there is more to report.

Chickenpox 1- Us 0

It has been an incredibly long day so far. If you hadn't already heard I had to run Abby up to the doctor's office today because she was running temps in excess of 102 and I wasn't able to control them with Tylenol. They wanted to see her right away so we drove up to see Dr. L She just wasn't acting right, couldnt stay awake... shaking really bad and just didn't look good. Yesterday was so good it really threw me off! She never ran a temp at all yesterday and outside of a little bit of discomfort with the pox she was fine! At first I was going to just let it go thinking it was just how the chickenpox were... but my Mom said to give the pediatrician a call. I shook all the way up to the dr I was so worried.

By the time we got to the doctor's office her temp was over 103. She fell asleep three times in my arms. They looked her over good and said that it certainly looks like the chickenpox. Her chances of getting it from the vaccine were 1-2% of all kids who get this thing... and even then normally when kids get it from the vaccine it is just a slight-mild case. Perhaps I should go buy a lottery ticket because she beat both odds. Not only that but her diaper rash is a yeasty type and now she is on Niastatin for that too. My poor little girl!

It was an interesting visit because there was a point that I thought I might be having contractions and that terrified me more because that is all I would need... to go into labor on top of all of this! So I took some deep breaths, said a little prayer and they went away. It must have been Braxton Hicks or perhaps some jealous babies pushing on their sister who was sleeping on my stomach. Thankfully we are ok there.

They put her on an antiviral, Benedryl and Tylenol... so between these 4 medications hopefully she will start to feel better. The doctor told me that if she in any way seems to be getting worse that I needed to call them immediatly so that they could see her again. So now we wait and see. When we came home she was shaking so bad she could hardly stand but now she is sleeping on the couch as I try to keep the pesky flies from her face so that she stays asleep. Thank you for all of your prayers, we appreciate them! It sounds like she will be contagious for the next week or so... keep me in your prayers also in that I don't go crazy stuck at home. Loves!

Chickenpox Mayhem

Well that fever turned into... you guessed it... the chickenpox. How wonderful. I thought that was the point of getting the vaccine? So much for that working!! On the positive side at least we won't have to deal with it when the babies come and she can have mommy's undivided attention all week before I go back to school... the negative side? It's my last week before the craziness begins... and it would've been fun to get out and about.

But Abby is handling it as well as can be expected, her little bottom also has a mean diaper rash (that has been getting worse every day for about a week) the doctor prescribed some 'poop goop' that we need to put on every time we change her so hopefully that will clear this stuff up. It's an antibiotic, anti-fungal, anti-yeast, skin protector stuff that the pediatricians made up that is supposed to be awesome. I enjoyed the name of the stuff though :)

I've been quite a bit more tired today than I have been in awhile... I mean just dragging. The twins on the otherhand have been quiet active! This afternoon they were going crazy and it felt like I had a school of rather large goldfish having a party. Thankfully I was able to go down to Beresford this afternoon and mom gave me some help with Abby... and I got a nap!!! :) (and a shower thankfully) That helped some but I'm sure I will want to go to bed not long after Abby is sleeping. Other than that not much else to report, things are still going good even if I'm a little tired and sore and still getting up to go to the bathroom 4x a night... *sigh*

Moooonday!

Poor Abby woke up with a fever this morning. I dont know if it's related to her teeth... as I saw a special little one popping through on the bottom (yay finally more than 2 teeth on the bottom!) or if she picked up a bug somewhere. I had suspected she wasn't feeling very good when she was SUPER cranky yesterday and not much fun to be around.

We were supposed to go out with my grandma to have lunch but I can't decide if we should go our not. Tom is home for the day so I could make him stay home with her... but then thats kinda mean since eating out with grandma is a lot of fun and I think he wanted a chance to get out of the house again.

I've decided that this week I'm not going to work since I start school next week... just so I can enjoy the rest of my time off, get ready for school and do fun things with Tom and Abby. It's too bad Abby is sick today... I hope it's just teeth fever! Now that I think about it she did have the chicken pox shot last week... and she does have a few bumps, maybe I should look her over a little more carefully and make sure she isn't having a reaction to that.

As far as the babies everything is going great. We have now met with two people at our church who either a) lost a twin to a birth defect or b) have twin girls. Both families were extremely supportive and told us to give them a holler if we needed anything at all. The family whom lost a twin boy 2 years ago had written us a very nice card earlier that I still have, how great God has been in placing people into our lives at just the right time. I think I have figured out what my breathing problem is... allergies. I think I'm having allergic reactions to something (my allergies have just been horrific this fall) So I'm going to give a call to the doctor to see if there is something I should be taking since the Benedryl isnt really cutting it... thats it for now!