Blizzard and Stuck at Home

Day Two of being trapped at home with the girls. We got around 6-7 inches of snow last night though it is difficult to know exactly how much since it is blowing all over. The real trouble is the windchill, the wind is driving temps down into the negative teens and twenties... so even if we COULD get out it would be 'foolish' to go out because getting stuck somewhere with three little ones with temps that low would be bad. Can't help wanting to get out though...

I didn't even write yesterday because I was so busy taking care of the girls. Abs wasn't feeling good and was really really really naughty and just 'hard.' To top it off Kiley and Kara were really fussy too so I was hopping from one kid to the next to the next. It was a hard day and I was really tired by the time Tom got home. Of course it was nice that he got off at 4pm (so he wouldn't drive home in the dark). By the time we got Abby to sleep Tom and I had had it.

Well I finally got Abby to sleep, I had to take a brief break from writing because 'duty called'. She's been really hard to get to sleep lately. I'm starting to wonder if we are going to have to stop rocking her to sleep. I am dreading having to let her 'cry to sleep' though. Argh. But it took me 45 minuets this afternoon to get her down for her nap. It just takes a lot of time.

Friends of ours from church might be coming out tonight. It would be nice to see some other people! Of course it all depends on the weather, I don't want them traveling if it's nasty outside. But that also means I need to get up the motivation to do a little cleaning around the house. There isn't TONS to do but I should at least straighten things up a little. Part of me would like to just take a nap lol. And then of course there is my homework too... I reeeeeeally need to get this paper written but I'm having troubles finding the time to do it.

I'm feeding Kiley right now, which is how I justify spending some time browsing on the internet lol. I finally decided to put a call into Dr. H this morning. I'm having shooting sharp pains when I feed them and after. I don't have it all the time but when I do it is extremely painful. A few of my Babycenter moms thought it was possible that I had thrush or an infection. The nurse didn't seem to think so and my guess is they will have me call the lactation consultants. Which I am so so on... I just want the pain to stop. Most of the time I can deal pretty well with pain, but psychologically feeding babies=pain isn't pleasant and I start to resent them being hungry, especially at night. Things are just harder to deal with at night when you are exhausted and being woken up constantly. (They were really fussy last night) I had to suction their little noses several times... they were angry angry angry.

I have decided that the trouble with twins is that you never get to enjoy that 'victory feeling' of finally accomplishing getting your fussy baby to sleep. Because the moment you get one calmed down it's time for the next baby, and then the cycle repeats. Though I do have to say that the victory feeling is momentous those times you manage to get both happy....but... despite the hardships it is all worth it! One of 'my fellow twin mommies' lost one of her twins the other day. I cannot imagine the pain she is going through. They were a week old and they don't know what happened. It makes me hold my girls a little tighter, a little longer...

A tree raising :)

We put our tree up!!! And so far it is still in one piece. Abby did manage to pull of light bulbs twice and she even 'played' at trying to eat them... not good. But after dancing around the preeties awhile she left them alone. Our house feels 'festive' and I love it! There won't be any presents under the tree until Christmas morning. Abby is too efficient with unwrapping things!

Last night we stayed over at my parent's place. Kiley and Kara slept with me in my sister's bed and Abs slept in one of my brother's rooms and Tom slept in another room! So we spread out all over the house. K & K sleep really well when they are with me. I can't remember how many times they woke up but it wasn't nearly as often as a few of the nights before. I really needed the sleep, I was dragging really bad by last night. My mom told me a few times that I needed to go to bed. There are just so many things to do! I did leave the lamp on near the bed and I think that might have helped... I think that when K & K wake up they can just look around and tend not to fuss, then they don't wake me up until they are hungry! Perhaps I will have to eliminate my sleeping in the dark. If Tom doesn't end up sleeping on the couch it will be a miracle lol!

Abs, Kiley, Kara and I all have some type of cold. This morning Abs was absolutely miserable. Her eyes were red and she had a runny nose. I think that she had a bit of separation anxiety. My mom got her out of the play pen this morning and I think that she assumed we were gone. She held onto this 'singing stuffed tree' like a security blanket and kept crying and crying... she wouldn't let me go and was very concerned about where daddy went. Eventually we got past this and she was happy again. Kiley and Kara have been very stuffy. They wake up and cry because they can't breathe so I have to take the booger sucker to get them free again. Poor babies. I'm feeling better tonight than I was this morning. I did manage to get a nap in which helped a lot. The headache I had tonight finally went away with some Ibuprofen. Thankfully!!!

A couple from church brought us chicken noodle soup tonight. It was really good. Abby loved seeing them. They held the babies and Abby sensed right away that they were grandparents. She kept trying to get the 'grandma' to play with her. She was sad to see them go. (it was really cute!)

Ok, the girls are stirring so I need to take care of them again. Hopefully we don't get too much snow tomorrow! I wish the weather wasn't going to get so cold, poor Abby won't be able to go outside much for awhile.

Abby's Babies

I just had to post this beautiful picture of my girls! Abby was sooooooo happy that she could hold her sisters. She did really well with them! Now she wants to hold them all the time... still a little too rough to do it on her own!

Just another day at the Dose's

I love it when Tom is home! My days go faster, are less stressful and Abby is less crazy. Speaking of which... I think she snuck downstairs again. That girl... She has a new pink rug and she loves to dance and twirl on it and take all of the clothes out of her drawers. I don't even know how to clean my house anymore, she just loves to explore and take everything out as fast as I can put it back in. Now if only I could teach her to put things back...

Kiley, Kara and Abby are all congested. I had to pull out the booger sucker last night to suck the junk out of their little noses (Kiley and Kara). Oh the dreaded booger sucker how they hate you. But if it helps them breathe we will put up with it. I just hope they aren't catching a cold. It might be the same junk that Abby has though I've assumed lately that hers was related to teething.

Yay... Abby brought me another handful of clothes.... I really really really really need to get someone to help put those child safety locks on our drawers. It would be nice to keep a few things in their place. We had a nice pancake/bacon breakfast (healthy I know) but it gives me a good chunk of calories which I'm working really hard at maintaining. I need to do a better job at drinking more water too, it's hard to stay hydrated!!! I'm trying to store away enough milk in the freezer to make sure we have a good supply just in case I need it. Tom loves that the freezer doors are full of it. It's everywhere!!!

Kiley and Kara both did much better with sleeping last night. They were up every 2 hours but they coordinated schedules so it allowed me to sleep. I discovered that our bassinet has a vibrator/mobile thingy that can be attached. I am going to try and put that on one night and see if that helps. Kara loves the vibration feature on her bouncy seat but the girls get a little squishy when I put them both in it. It also stops after 15 minuets which doesn't help keep them sleeping. My mom gave me a 'womb sounds bear' when Abby was so little and so fussy. This has worked wonders with Kiley and Kara. I think our bedroom was too quiet and they like the soothing sounds of the heartbeat. It means we get the bed to ourselves a little longer and I don't have to be their pacifier.

Well I need to get things around here ready. Tom is going to put a new battery in our van since it's died twice and needed to be jumped. Not safe at all. It would be bad if I got stranded with 2 babies and a toddler somewhere this winter. We are supposed to get snow this week so we need to get that taken care of. I think we are going down to my parent's place today. The Vikings are playing tonight and Tom likes to watch the games with my Dad and brothers. (I guess I'm not as exciting lol) We might stay overnight but haven't quite decided. If it snows it might be nice to avoid driving with all of the crazy traffic.

One final thought before I go. I was looking back at some of the blog entries that I wrote, especially towards the beginning of the pregnancy. It still is amazing we have gotten so far, and been blessed so greatly. God answered our prayers and gave us three little girls that are beyond amazing. He is the reason we've made it this far, and He will continue to provide for all of our needs and at times uncertain future....

He is the Reason for the Season

Appointments and Shopping

Abby had her 18 month check up today... and wow was that a circus! My mom came to my house around 2:30. I had already loaded the two babies and Abby into the van. (Which is a ton of work I might add) We stopped at my school first where I talked with my adviser about next Spring. I thought I had come in early enough but I guess it wasn't fast enough. The classes I need to take online are all filled up already. So... for now I am wait listed and my adviser is  contacting a professor to see if I can get a spot. She asked if I wanted to take chemistry at the school... but the thought of driving up to town twice a week, for one hour 4:00-5:00... isn't going to work. Making my mom watch all three for a mere hour, twice a week, during the most 'sport's booked' hours of the day isn't fair.

So that was frustrating. I also found out that the paper I need signed for my loans has to be signed by someone at the actual college I am enrolled in. SO on Monday I have to drive 45 minuets to the college and get this paper signed so that I have proof that yes, I am still enrolled in school, and NO they shouldn't make my loans all come due. The extra bill would sink us... literally. We just don't have that kind of extra cash lying around. In fact we have 0 extra cash for anything.

Ok... I digress. Abby's appointment renewed my frustrations with my current pediatrician. He is a really nice guy who is GREAT with Abby... who also doesn't really listen to me. I ask questions and get 'generalized' answers... but I don't know any better doctors so I'll deal with it for now and keep pushing my concerns if I have them. But she is doing well developmentally. Her weight and height are just below the 50th percentile.

But it was quite a zoo in that room. 2 crying babies and a toddler who was also trying to help each of the babies. Good thing I wasn't by myself! It was fun that I met a mother who's friend was expecting twins and had a 15 month old. She asked me how I was doing and if it was hard... etc etc. It was nice to talk with her about it. I had several people ooo and awww over Kiley and Kara.


We went to Walmart after the appointment so that I could pick up a few groceries. Wow did we get a lot of looks driving carts, one full of babies and the other with a squirmy toddler and groceries. I bet it was a funny sight. But now our cubboards are full of food again and I think my appetite will improve significantly with the choices I now have. Groceries are expensive though!

Tom is sitting in the recliner right now holding Kara and Kiley. He is laughing because as he strokes Kara's forehead she gets this little happy drunk look on her face. But now they are both crying... I had better go feed them. Check out my latest poll and see how well you do! (Oh and thanks to Sam for the cool Tom & Bri + Thr3E picture!)

Snow Snow Snow

Today we are going down to my parent's place to visit. Abby would like the change of scenery and I could use some time out of the house too. We'll get down there eventually, as soon as I'm not a milk machine and Abs get's breakfast and changed. Sometimes I look at the whole of everything I need to do and it is overwhelming. I need to do a better job of just taking things one step at a time. Things always look a little better over a good cup of coffee. I do love my coffee :)

I found out yesterday that there is a good chance that I will get into the nursing program next Fall. One of the professors I talked to said that she knew of several students who decided that nursing was not for them. That is encouraging to me! I can't wait to be done with school. So that is a positive!

Our mail was interesting yesterday. We got the bill from our hospital... before insurance it was $25,000. WOW. Each ultrasound that I had there at the end was $900-$1600 a piece. And if you remember there were a few times I had them twice a week! There were two doctors at delivery who just 'attended' the delivery 'just in case' ... we got charged $180 dollars PER BABY for that. It just blows my mind. Thank GOD we have the right insurance... we would have been in serious trouble financially otherwise. The Lord does provide! Another twin mommy whose blog I followed (who had her twins at 28 weeks and was on hospital bedrest for months...) got her bill the other day too. 1 MILLION dollars... no joke, it really was that high. Yikes! There is no price you can put on your children but it is amazing how expensive twins can be!

People often ask me how I tell Kiley and Kara apart. Sometimes I look at my babies and wonder... are they really identical? They look so different to me? Perhaps that is a mom's perspective, perhaps they still look different because of where they were in the womb, and their weights and such... but from everything I know, one placenta means identical. So perhaps they will look more alike as they get older.

Kiley: Has a larger bump on the back of her head; Her complexion is lighter, she tends to be calmer than Kara, will calm down faster than Kara

Kara: Has a redder complexion, She likes to curl up in a little ball, she is more of a spitfire (reminds me a little more of Abby at times)

At times I can just... 'tell'

But I need to get off the computer and get going... later!

Just one of those days...

Generic chicken noodle soup is not a bargain, it is awful. I went digging through the cupboards today, found the can and decided to give it a shot. Never again. Now the oven is preheating for a pizza. Our state of food is pretty pathetic. Eventually I either need to make Tom do a little grocery shopping or my mom, or perhaps have her babysit so that I can go. It's impossible to do on my own.

I'm struggling a little today. So if you call, or email or chat with me don't feel bad if I don't respond. We all went to visit my prior fellow nursing students which was really nice. They enjoyed seeing all three of my girls. Abby fell asleep on the way home, I got her in the crib...and she woke up a few minuets later. Of course both Kiley and Kara were hungry and screaming so I had to wait and feed them both first. I put them down in the crib, made a bottle for Abby and tried rocking her. Abby was naughty and kept trying to slap me, she was crying, the babies were crying and I didnt know which to take care of first. Abby was so close to falling asleep so many times. Finally after 45 minuets I felt like I had ignored Kiley and Kara long enough. I put Abby down in her crib and went back upstairs to take care of the other two. Abs screamed and screamed of course calling out for me.

I got the twins changed, fed them again and by the time I was finished Abby had cried herself to sleep. It's 3 o'clock and I still haven't eaten lunch yet. I'm trying to make sure I eat but my appetite has been down a lot lately and I dont know if it's because I just don't 'feel' like making food or I'm just so tired I'm not hungry. Or maybe I feel like there is so much to do I just forget that I have to eat too. Of course I know I need to eat, I'm trying to feed two babies... skipping meals is bad. And I pretty much only had cereal yesterday. (To which I already feel guilty about)

Which brings me to the other thing I'm struggling with. I feel like I'm so much a caregiver that I'm not a mom. I feel like I'm going through the motions of ... feed Kiley, hand her off to be burped, feed Kara, hand her off to be burped, change Kiley, change Kara, change Abby, get Abby a snack, Kiley is hungry again, Kara wants to be fed, both need to be changed again, Abby is getting into the trash again, now she's taking all of the clothes out of the door, she wants me to play with her....

I cried today. I miss cuddling with Abby on the couch and watching cartoons. I miss us being buddies and doing things together and going for walks or running errands. I feel like I'm constantly telling her no. I want to play with her and color and do things like we used to. I really do try, I'm just so tired or I get busy. I miss feeling close. That's why letting her cry herself to sleep this afternoon was so hard.

I wish I could sit and hold Kiley and Kara like I did with Abby. I want to let them play on the floor, and swing in their swing or sit in the bouncy seat. They have to spend so much time in the crib because it's safe from Abby and she keeps me so busy. And because there are two of them I feel like I can't bond with each individually that I'm so busy going from one to the next to Abby. I feel like I'm being cheated out of enjoying them as little babies. They both cry and I often have to choose which one I will comfort first. How do you choose? Do I choose one more than the other out of habit? I try to comfort them both if I can... and then there is Abby.

I feel like a bad mom. I just do. And it makes me sad. Everyone tells me to do what I can and that is all I can do... but what if it isn't enough?

If you made it through that long post congrats. I'm sorry about complaining or 'whining' ... but I just have a lot of things that I'm struggling with today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better....

Weight Checks & Two weeks old today!

We are back! Home sweet home... How nice it was to be back snug in our own beds last night. We had a lot of fun down at Tom's parent's this weekend. His brothers and families came down to visit too. It was nice to see everyone there. Abby had the most fun the first night we were there I think. She was in rare form trying to entertain everyone! I was pleasantly surprised with how well she played with Isaac too. Granted they are both 1 1/2 ish and don't understand the concept of sharing but they enjoyed each other I think.

The girls (all three) were eventually worn out and very clingy. Abby isn't used to the babies crying and so it didn't work as well for all 5 of us to be in the same room. I couldn't keep the babies quiet enough and they would wake her up. She jumped out of both the crib and the play pen!! I couldn't believe it. We left yesterday afternoon because Abby had just HAD it. She was a bit of a spitfire. It was good that she was able to nap on the way home and it gave me time to finish up the bit of homework I hadn't found time or motivation to do.

This morning we went up to town to get Kiley & Kara's weights checked. The clinic was so excited to see the girls. (I used to work there...) It was so nice of them to just let me take them in and get their weights checked. They seem to be so much more accurate with weight checks than our pediatrician. So... I suppose I should say how much they weighed.

Kiley: 5lb 8 oz
Kara: 5lb 9 1/2 oz

They are both ALMOST the same weight! The good news is that they are both up to and a little over their birth weights! Fantastic. :) I'm so happy... with how much I've been feeding them, and how often I had hoped they were gaining great!

Well Abby is down for her nap and I probably should get a few things done. Kara and Kiley just got done eating, (Kara is snoozing in my lab and Kiley is snoozing with Tom in the recliner) We have a busy day planned. I have to run to a different town to turn in some paperwork for insurance 'stuff' and later my mom is coming by to drop off the swingset she bought for Abby for Christmas. Tom is going to try and put it up today while the weather is still nice. I am also hoping that we can decorate the tree out in front of our house since we won't be putting up our Christmas tree ... so far. It's possible we might change our minds. It doesn't feel as "Christmassy' without it... even though I KNOW Abby would tear it apart. We'll see I guess. I always have big plans... they just don't always get done. My first order of business will be getting 2 Christmas "projects" done... I need to order them soon so I'll have them by Christmas!

Black Friday

Tom and I gave Kiley and Kara their first bath last night. Wow they were not huge fans :) Poor things looked so miserable laying there all in the buff. But we got them wrapped up nice and snug in their towels and each got some good snuggle time with Mom and a little something warm for their tummies. AND... for the first night since the hospital they were content to snooze together in their bassinet. The last few nights they had been winding up in bed with me after 4-5 hours of mom struggling with keeping up with their demands. I slept with Abs in bed with us but having two little babies who both want to be tucked up next to you can be interesting. I would have one snuggle up against me on one side and the other would sleep on my chest. It's amazing how aware of your body you can be when you become a new mom. The fact that I could wake up in the exact same position as I fell asleep in is amazing to me.

But anyways.... they snuggled together last night and just woke up every 2 hours to eat... which at times took me an hour to get them both fed and put down again. So I guess I slept in increments of 1 hour. I guess that explains why I'm so tired right now... Thank God for coffee!!!

Thanksgiving went... ok. We arrived late because we had to wait for Abs to finish her nap. She got up at 7am and REALLY needed it. So we got there an hour late and ended up with cold food. No one's fault but ours. I knew that would probably happen. Cold turkey is good though :) I was completely overwhelmed by the people. Gosh I am so paranoid this time!! I never felt like this when Abby was born. Perhaps the media H1N1 hype has gotten to me a little lol. I'm just worried with them both being barely 5lbs that if they got sick they could get really bad. They just don't have anything to lose! So having a large group of people who all want to hold them made me really nervous. In fact I was ready to go about the moment I walked in the door but made myself stay. Everyone really enjoyed seeing them, most couldn't believe how tiny they were. Kiley poo'd in her pj's and of course I had only brought 2 backups and both were dirtied by Kara before we even got there! (I go through a lot of outfits it seems) Thankfully Beth had given us onesies as gifts and so Kiley didn't have to go home completely naked. (We tucked her in the blankets good)

Abby and I put up a few Christmas decorations last night, Abby loved the 'preeties' but we are probably going to avoid putting up the tree this year. I feel bad enough telling Abby to stay away from the babies all the time. I don't want one more thing to have to tell her 'no' about. I should probably go see what she is up to, she just went downstairs again....

A thought to leave you with... We change an average of 20 diapers a day.... TWENTY... sometimes more

Almost Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. How sad that so many jump right from Halloween to Christmas. Thanksgiving might be without presents or many decorations and it certainly isn't a retailors dream... but perhaps we all need to step back and remember what we are thankful for this year. With the economy in the dumps and bad news lurking around all corners it is easy to get lost in the world. So I'm praying that for a moment tomorrow, between the turkey and the football game everyone will take a moment to reflect on what they are thankful for, give their loved one an extra long hug and remember how lucky we all truly are...

Abby and I have hung out with Kiley and Kara all day. I'm sure she is getting a little tired of being cooped up. My mom and little brother stopped by for awhile this morning before they had to go to a few doctor's appointments. Abby really missed him and was glad to see him. They left during Abby's nap (2 hours yay!) It's still a bit of a battle to keep her from the girls. She wants to play with them like they are dolls and just gets too rough. It's exhausting at times to be on constant guard duty. I've been impressed so far as to how well I'm doing being at home with all three by myself. It's not easy but as I have discovered... you can do a lot when you have to.

Kara finally lost her little umbilicus (to Tom's delight, they creep him out) but Kiley is still holding tight to hers. I think we are going to give them their first baths tonight after Abby goes to bed. 8 days and no bath... we sound like horrible parents.. we aren't, just extraordinarily busy and exhausted parents. I'm excited and a little nervous. Giving babies a bath is hard when they are so small and 'floppy' and slippery. lol

It sounds like tomorrow we will be heading to the family Thanksgiving at least for a little bit. My mom is going to 'scope it out' a little and make sure people are healthy before we come. And if I'm uncomfortable with people holding them I'll just tell them no. The thought of staying home again all day tomorrow is not a pleasant thought... so we'll see how it goes.

Well Abby has once again discovered Kiley and Kara... gotta run!