ZzZzZz

We aren't sleeping again. The last two nights I've been up with them constantly. Right now I'm just hoping that I can get through this last paper of mine and be done with my classes. It's so hard to write when you are so tired. Hopefully I can get some coffee into me and when Abby goes down for a nap I can finish it up. My professor has been so kind about allowing me time to finish this paper late. I hope that I haven't inconvenienced her too much!

Right now I am trying to decide about whether I will be going back into the nursing program this Spring. My adviser called me to tell me that there is one spot open because someone failed. But now that this spot is open I'm not sure I can handle it. There are days I can barely function let alone working on life and death matters. For the moment I'm leaning towards not going back till next Fall. First of all my babies are this little for so long, second nursing is very important to me... I don't want to just 'survive' I want to learn and gain great experience so that I can be a GOOD nurse, thirdly... physically I just don't know if I can handle it.

If I don't go back for nursing I will continue on like before taking general classes towards my BSN. I'm glad I was given a week to decide on this matter. It's a hard decision because I miss nursing a LOT, and I do want to finish and have a job later. But it's only a matter of time before I do so I guess we will see.

Well I need to get working on things. Lots to do today and I have Tom home with me so maybe I'll get something done!

Christmas Party 1

Well it's almost 10 o'clock and we just got home from our Christmas celebrations. I am absolutely exhausted! Tom is currently rocking Abs, she fell asleep briefly on the way home and then woke up when we pulled into the garage. So the good news is that we were able to put her pj's on and give her some milk before bed. On that note we are on our last can of formula for her... does this mean I actually have to try and get her either onto milk or soy milk? Ugh....

The Christmas party I think went pretty well. It wasn't as hard for me to let people hold the babies this time. Though to be honest I trusted every single person that was there this time so that is always helpful! It also helps that the girls are a little older and a little bigger. My Grandma's house WAS really crowded with everyone there but the food was great and everyone seemed to be in a pretty good mood. We even managed to take a family picture... everyone was CRAMMED into it but we accomplished it. I think everyone enjoyed the presents. The babies got a package of diapers and a few cute outfits, Abs got some Duplos and I got a picture frame that has Family on it. Tom got a gift card so hopefully we can use it to go out to eat soon! We both miss going out to eat.

One of my relatives, a PA, says that she thinks that one of the girls definatly has reflux. Something I've suspected now for a few days. They are puking violently out of their mouths and noses, mostly at night. I feel so bad for both of them. They aren't nearly as angry as Abby but there couldn't be another Abby.... lol. My only other concern is that at times when I'm feeding them they choke and cough and cough and cough. I'm just curious if they are aspirating like Abby did way back.

I probably won't call the doctor unless they get sick from it because well... we've been down this road before. I don't think medications will work and I don't think the tests will do much either. So for now we'll just wait it out. I think that is causing a few of our sleeping problems at times. I'm going to buy another swaddling blanket, I still have a gift card from when they were born. It works so well because they don't kick out of it!

Well I need to feed Kiley again, she is fussing. I just got done with Kara.... PLUS I'm really craving some hot chocolate right now!!!

Victory!!

I'm not sure if it was because of the humidifier, the gas drops, or the fact that I started swaddling them... but Kiley and Kara slept from 11pm-3am... were up until 4:30am and then slept till 7:00! This means I got ONE chunk of 4 hour sleep and another of 3 1/2. I feel amazingly refreshed today. Perhaps all of our shopping yesterday was exhausting and they decided to sleep.... or the fact that they cried the entire hour that I was taking my last Sociology test...(Tom couldnt figure out why they were crying but my test was on a timer so I had to finish it)

So shopping yesterday. Wow did we get swarmed! A double stroller with two carseats, with two little pink baby girls is apparently quite an attraction. It was interesting trying to maneuver the giant thing through packed holiday aisles. Everyone loved them though. My youngest brother was along because he had a dentist appointment, and he pushed Abby in a little stroller. I did manage to find 2 presents while we were there. JcPennies had some sales and I managed to pick out an outfit (shirt & jeans) for 18 bucks! I was excited because I was told this little girl that I bought it for doesn't have a lot of nice clothes. The limit was 15 but I think it's ok that I went over a few dollars. I also managed to find something for Tom... though I need to get something else to go with it.

Abby loved all of the Christmas lights and the Christmas music... she kept bouncing and jumping around in her stroller to the beat. She did REALLY well shopping I was so proud. Kiley was the only fussy one and I had to find a dressing room to feed her... and even after she wanted to be held a lot. My mom didn't mind! While I took Kiley to the dressing room my mom went to the food court to get Abby and my brother a mid afternoon munchie. Well the lady at the counter was very concerned as to why there was a baby missing in one of the carseats. (my mom told me this later) I thought it was pretty funny!

But I've learned one thing... shopping with twins you cannot go into a store and get out unnoticed! I had so many people talk with me yesterday! It almost made shopping hard. When we got home I drove Abby and the girls around town and we looked at the lights. It's becoming a tradition lol. Abs just LOVES the preeeeties. She kept calling the lit up reindeer "puppies" :)

I'm not sure what our plan is for today. I think we will go down to my moms so that Abby can play with her uncle and wear out some of this energy. I'm going to wait until after her nap though first because I'm waiting for a Christmas present to come in the mail... eek I hope it comes today or tomorrow! I need it for a family Christmas party tomorrow!

Who needs sleep anyways?

How many hours of sleep can someone survive on... and for how long? Isn't it amazing that more new mothers don't go crazy? Now perhaps my experience is a little biased... I did after all have Abby who woke up every hour for the first 6 months of her life and I now have twins that seem to be teaming up to see how much sleep they can cause their mother to lose.

Last night I snuggled into bed, relaxed, sprawled out... turned off the light and .... wam! Kiley starts choking, I mean really choking. So I hurry up, turn on the light... Tom groans and I see milk spewing out of Kiley's mouth and nose. Poor dear is just trying to breathe and I spend the next two hours trying to get her back to sleep. I snuggle back down into the sheets, completely exhausted, Tom is dead to the world.... flip off the light annnnnd wam! Kara starts choking, this time on her boogers...

Thats how my entire night went. Except for one stretch at 5am where they were both laying wide awake in the bed with me. (I sent Tom to the couch so he could sleep, at least one of us should be rested...) I was so tired by the time I got out of bed at 9am that I was shaking. I hopped into the shower hoping that the hot water would redeem a little of my strength but I couldn't stay in there long because I was afraid I might fall. Eventually a little coffee and some prayers got me moving but I was dreading the long day ahead.

Abby was a little terror earlier this morning but I eventually was able to calm her down. We had a pretty good afternoon for the most part. I laid down around 2:30 on the couch just to rest and she went 'ni night' with me for a bit, snuggling. Then a baby started fussing, I was just going to let her fuss a bit but Abby was very concerned. She took my hand and kept pulling and pulling until I finally got up to get the baby. So much for resting!

My mom picked up a humidifier and we are going to try that to see if that helps the babies sleep a little longer. I hope so! I dont know if I can take another night like last night...Tom is home now and Abby is playing with him. I will probably give Kara a bath a little later. I gave Kiley a bath last night. It's nice to have that bonding time with each one individually. :) My mom ALSO picked up a 'baby sling' so that I can 'wear' the babies when they are fussy and still have free arms. I'm excited to try it out.

Tomorrow we are going shopping!!! With my mom of course... it should be interesting! Hopefully we can finish up our Christmas shopping.

The New Normal

I was thinking about this the other day... our new normal. Sleeping in snatches, eating when I can, cuddling with two babies and a toddler :) It's funny how the moment you think you have things 'figured out', and plans are set in stone... God says... "Nope! I'm still in charge up here!" Not for a moment would I ever trade what I have, I love all three of my girls and my wonderful husband and couldn't imagine life without them. But never in a million years could I have imagined God would bless us in this way... or that we would travel this road...

The other day I was listening to the song "What Faith Can Do" by the band Kutless and it made me tear up. Especially this bit....

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Because I HAVE had hope that doesn't end when the sky is falling... and I HAVE seen miracles just happen, silent prayers (and expressed prayers) get answered....

And I realized... That's what Faith can do.....Isn't it amazing?

Kiley and Kara had their weight check this morning. Kiley is 6lb 15oz and Kara is 7lbs!! Yay! They are both growing well despite their nasty colds. Poor Kara really has a nasty nose and she is very clingy. My poor hun. It makes sleeping hard for me though because I'm constantly trying to clear their noses the best that I can so that they can breathe at night. It makes them so mad when they can't breathe! My mom is watching Abby this morning so that I can get a paper written, so I had better start on that! I can't wait until I'm done with my classes for this semester. It will be nice to just enjoy Christmas :)

By the way.... The answer to the "Which Baby Poll" is...... *drum roll* ..... KILEY!

Congrats to those of you who got it right! Those who didnt... better luck next time!

Blessings

I have a little pink snowbaby curled up on my chest. Kara is so sweet and making little baby noises. Her eyes are wide open and she is looking at my face with her big beautiful eyes. I wonder if their eyes will be as beautiful as Abby's are? Everyone always comments on Abby's eyes. Kiley is snuggling with Dad and trying to nurse from his arm, I wonder how long she will be content with 'searching?'

They slept fairly well last night. I decided to try and give them both a few drops of the Mycloin (sp?) gas drops. It seems they wake up and cry and strain. Something doesn't like their tummies. It seemed to help a little so perhaps I will have to keep trying them. Granted I was still up quite a few times but at least they wouldn't fuss and fuss and fuss.

Tuesday we are going in for another weight check to see how big they have gotten. They will be 1 month old on Tuesday. It's hard to believe how fast time is flying by. Soon they will be dancing around with their older sister and I will really wonder where time has gone!

Today we are probably going to go and visit my Grandparents on my mother's side. I really need to get out of the house. The last 2 days have been really hard around here. The night before last I really struggled and probably cried quite a few times during the night. It does get kind of lonely at home and Abby and I have been home a lot. I did talk to one of my neighbors and we are going to try and set up a play date where we can let our kids play and we can visit. She had a baby girl the week before I did so we both have itty bitties too. She has two older boys too.  We also are going to try and get our family picture taken today. A good friend of mine is going to take it for us. I am excited. I hope we can get a good picture!! Now if only I can find something to wear...

As Christmas nears and my girls snuggle deep into my arms, I ponder on the absolute joy that Mary must have felt. That surging joy and love that envelops you those first few moments and that first cry pierces the air. Honestly I cannot think of a more joyful sound than that of a baby's first cry. If you have ever experienced it you know what I mean. I wonder if Heaven will be like that... this hard struggle and pain and discomfort... though also happy moments and suddenly this amazing burst of joy and love so deep you hardly have words to describe it. :)

Well laundry is calling my name, I have three pj's soaking in the tub with stain remover and two laundry baskets full of dirty laundry. (it never ends...) And since I am feeling ambitious I should get it taken care of. Have a great day!

Thrush :(

Kara is crying and trying to eat my leg as I write this. She is upset that Kiley got to eat first. Unknowingly I think she gets fed first more often because of the two girls she is the most demanding. She wants it right now and will fuss until she gets what she wants. Her personality is most like Abby's though not nearly as severe. I hate letting them cry but with the current thrush situation it is about all that I can handle to let one eat at a time. Two is just too painful.

So yes, I do have thrush and there is a good chance both girls do too. Dr H prescribed me a special creme to use and I need to apply that three times a day. I haven't started it yet because Tom picked it up last night on his way home from work and when I looked at the container it said "For external use only, do not put in mouth." Suuuure... how am I supposed to do that? My girls have to eat! So I waited until this morning to call Dr. H and just be 100% this was ok. The nurse thought it was funny the container said that too so she ran back to double check it. I guess the reason it says external use only is that it is not to be APPLIED to the girl's mouths, it's meant to clear the thrush up on me. She said that as long as I don't apply it just before they eat it should be just fine.

But then I had to put a call into Dr. L (Kiley & Kara's pediatrician) because they also need to be treated or we will just give this stuff back and forth to eachother. So how do I treat them? Well I'm supposed to take a washcloth and wipe out their mouths (please tell me how I'm supposed to do this) then I am supposed to take this purple dye 'stuff' and wipe it along their tongues and the sides of their mouth after EVERY feeding.

I have TWO babies, who eat every 3 hours if not more often (usually is more like 2 if I'm lucky) Each baby takes at least 15-20 minuets to eat. So I'm somehow supposed to get this dye into their mouths after every feeding? Ugh it just sounds daunting... Plus we aren't talking about when they cluster feed (eat a little bit several times... which is usually at night) AND I still have to get them changed... and oh yeah, I still have Abby who is a full time job in herself!

But I need to get rid of this stuff, it is so painful. I put up with feeding them because they need to eat but it is so hard. I really would like to just be able to enjoy the bonding time with each girl. Hopefully this won't last long. The thrush also makes them fussier which means more work for me...

Last night was the first night Abby had to put herself to sleep. Tom rocked her for a bit, laid her in her crib, gently told her it was time for her to go 'ni ni'. When she stood up he'd lay her back down and tell her it was time for 'ni ni' did this several times. Then he turned on her night light. Told her he loved her and that it was time for her to sleep. Shut the door and left. It's hard to hear her calling "Mommy! Daddy!" but she only cried for 10 minuets and then she went to sleep. I think that as hard as this adjustment is for us she is ready for it. I would love to be able to rock her forever but she doesn't make it very fun. She is constantly trying to slap us, drip her bottle all over, wiggle out... that often times I am so frustrated with her that I think it would be better for both of us if she just put herself to sleep. Hopefully she will learn this fast!

For those of you who haven't yet voted on the "Which Baby poll" Please do so soon. Tomorrow I will reveal the 'correct answer' :)

Blizzard and Stuck at Home

Day Two of being trapped at home with the girls. We got around 6-7 inches of snow last night though it is difficult to know exactly how much since it is blowing all over. The real trouble is the windchill, the wind is driving temps down into the negative teens and twenties... so even if we COULD get out it would be 'foolish' to go out because getting stuck somewhere with three little ones with temps that low would be bad. Can't help wanting to get out though...

I didn't even write yesterday because I was so busy taking care of the girls. Abs wasn't feeling good and was really really really naughty and just 'hard.' To top it off Kiley and Kara were really fussy too so I was hopping from one kid to the next to the next. It was a hard day and I was really tired by the time Tom got home. Of course it was nice that he got off at 4pm (so he wouldn't drive home in the dark). By the time we got Abby to sleep Tom and I had had it.

Well I finally got Abby to sleep, I had to take a brief break from writing because 'duty called'. She's been really hard to get to sleep lately. I'm starting to wonder if we are going to have to stop rocking her to sleep. I am dreading having to let her 'cry to sleep' though. Argh. But it took me 45 minuets this afternoon to get her down for her nap. It just takes a lot of time.

Friends of ours from church might be coming out tonight. It would be nice to see some other people! Of course it all depends on the weather, I don't want them traveling if it's nasty outside. But that also means I need to get up the motivation to do a little cleaning around the house. There isn't TONS to do but I should at least straighten things up a little. Part of me would like to just take a nap lol. And then of course there is my homework too... I reeeeeeally need to get this paper written but I'm having troubles finding the time to do it.

I'm feeding Kiley right now, which is how I justify spending some time browsing on the internet lol. I finally decided to put a call into Dr. H this morning. I'm having shooting sharp pains when I feed them and after. I don't have it all the time but when I do it is extremely painful. A few of my Babycenter moms thought it was possible that I had thrush or an infection. The nurse didn't seem to think so and my guess is they will have me call the lactation consultants. Which I am so so on... I just want the pain to stop. Most of the time I can deal pretty well with pain, but psychologically feeding babies=pain isn't pleasant and I start to resent them being hungry, especially at night. Things are just harder to deal with at night when you are exhausted and being woken up constantly. (They were really fussy last night) I had to suction their little noses several times... they were angry angry angry.

I have decided that the trouble with twins is that you never get to enjoy that 'victory feeling' of finally accomplishing getting your fussy baby to sleep. Because the moment you get one calmed down it's time for the next baby, and then the cycle repeats. Though I do have to say that the victory feeling is momentous those times you manage to get both happy....but... despite the hardships it is all worth it! One of 'my fellow twin mommies' lost one of her twins the other day. I cannot imagine the pain she is going through. They were a week old and they don't know what happened. It makes me hold my girls a little tighter, a little longer...

A tree raising :)

We put our tree up!!! And so far it is still in one piece. Abby did manage to pull of light bulbs twice and she even 'played' at trying to eat them... not good. But after dancing around the preeties awhile she left them alone. Our house feels 'festive' and I love it! There won't be any presents under the tree until Christmas morning. Abby is too efficient with unwrapping things!

Last night we stayed over at my parent's place. Kiley and Kara slept with me in my sister's bed and Abs slept in one of my brother's rooms and Tom slept in another room! So we spread out all over the house. K & K sleep really well when they are with me. I can't remember how many times they woke up but it wasn't nearly as often as a few of the nights before. I really needed the sleep, I was dragging really bad by last night. My mom told me a few times that I needed to go to bed. There are just so many things to do! I did leave the lamp on near the bed and I think that might have helped... I think that when K & K wake up they can just look around and tend not to fuss, then they don't wake me up until they are hungry! Perhaps I will have to eliminate my sleeping in the dark. If Tom doesn't end up sleeping on the couch it will be a miracle lol!

Abs, Kiley, Kara and I all have some type of cold. This morning Abs was absolutely miserable. Her eyes were red and she had a runny nose. I think that she had a bit of separation anxiety. My mom got her out of the play pen this morning and I think that she assumed we were gone. She held onto this 'singing stuffed tree' like a security blanket and kept crying and crying... she wouldn't let me go and was very concerned about where daddy went. Eventually we got past this and she was happy again. Kiley and Kara have been very stuffy. They wake up and cry because they can't breathe so I have to take the booger sucker to get them free again. Poor babies. I'm feeling better tonight than I was this morning. I did manage to get a nap in which helped a lot. The headache I had tonight finally went away with some Ibuprofen. Thankfully!!!

A couple from church brought us chicken noodle soup tonight. It was really good. Abby loved seeing them. They held the babies and Abby sensed right away that they were grandparents. She kept trying to get the 'grandma' to play with her. She was sad to see them go. (it was really cute!)

Ok, the girls are stirring so I need to take care of them again. Hopefully we don't get too much snow tomorrow! I wish the weather wasn't going to get so cold, poor Abby won't be able to go outside much for awhile.

Abby's Babies

I just had to post this beautiful picture of my girls! Abby was sooooooo happy that she could hold her sisters. She did really well with them! Now she wants to hold them all the time... still a little too rough to do it on her own!