Scary News

I'm feeling a little numb right now and it's hard to know where to begin. It's been a loooong day. My appointment was at 10:45. I didn't leave the hospital until 3pm if that gives you any idea how the appointments went. In all fairness it DID take forever for me to get into the actual ultrasound room, almost 30-40 minuets of waiting. I did have a good conversation with one of the other moms that was in the place. She actually got called before I did and her being so nice was like "oh that's not fair" and told the nurses I had been waiting there for a long time. I guess they were backed up today.

A student came along to watch my ultrasound and the tech I had was really nice and I liked her a lot. It was a little fun to have a student because the ultrasound tech was explaining a lot of things that I see a lot... but never knew what they were.

The stressful part of the appointment started a little later when they told me Baby A was 3lbs 7oz. I couldn't believe that since two weeks ago she was 3lbs 6oz. I thought maybe I had just heard the numbers wrong last time. Baby B it turns out only gained an ounce too so they did dopplers on the placenta and the cords to see how the blood is flowing. The dopplers were elevated meaning that the blood is having a harder time getting from the placenta to the babies. Not so good.

Baby A wasn't doing the movements/breathing that she should have been doing for the Biophysical Profile and so Dr B decided he wanted me to do an NST after the ultrasound to check on her. I spent another hour in the NST room being monitored because Baby B decided she was going to be difficult and wasn't being reactive. (They need to see two accelerations in their heartbeats along with movement) Eventually they let me go down to Dr H whom was concerned because she had no idea why I was so late with my appointment

The good news is my blood pressure is still great and now signs of precclampsia. I'm only measuring at 38 weeks... which means I haven't grown in the last two weeks either. *sigh* I have now gone from 1cm to 2cm. Dr H did the Group B strep test today because she doesnt think I will last much longer between what is going on with the babies and my body. At least the positive is that we are at 32 weeks and have had the steroid shots.

So what does all this mean? I'm coming in twice a week now for BPP ultrasounds and dopplers to check on the babies. Tuesday (my birthday) is the next appointment and if this next one shows the dopplers still elevated or worse there is a good chance they will just decide to take the babies. If they are ok I'll be back in next Friday to check them again, if that one shows distress or elevated dopplers than we will take them. They can't do another weight check until the week after next. If THAT appointment shows no weight gain or decreased weight gain they'll take them then.

Confused yet?

I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. I keep thinking I would rather have them come early because of my body going into labor than because they aren't getting what they need. I asked if there was anything I could do to help them grow but there isn't really... it's not related to my having been sick, it's nothing I've done. There is just something going on with the placenta and the cords.... obviously they aren't afraid to the point that they would take them today. They want to give them a chance to turn the situation around and pack on some weight before they get here. But I'm still scared... and it's going to be a long weekend. I'm going to be paranoid about them moving I can already tell.

I was driving home and heard this song by Tenth Avenue North... of course I had been on the brink of tears since I left the hospital and this one just made me cry but it feels closest to what I'm feeling right now and how hard I am to trying to lay my trust on God that He has gotten us through so much during this pregnancy that He will take care of my girls now. These are the lyrics that struck me the most and I wanted to share them with you as I close this entry.

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life


Please pray for my girls, pray hard that whatever is going on inside will heal and that they can grow big and strong and pack on some weight. Pray that if there is something wrong I will know and can get in in time. Pray that I can sleep tonight...and the rest of this weekend. Pray Pray Pray... I know prayer has done amazing things during their pregnancy, I know He can keep them safe... I know He will be with us no matter what....