13 days

November! And so the pink birthstone slips away and we move into the golden. :) Thirteen more days until our babies can come and go home with me! Yesterday was a hard day with Abby. The last few days I've been just completely wiped out... dragging. I feel almost a little trapped in this heavy body... and my back is starting to protest. In fact there are times I can hardly walk or get out of chairs. It's frustrating and painful. I'm glad the girls are getting big but they had better help me get this weight off!! :)

But why yesterday was so hard. It just started out a mess. I got up, felt great with tons of energy and started picking up the living room. I was moving onto the kitchen when I glanced at the clock...8:45? Really? No.... Yes... it was. My clock in the bedroom had been a day ahead and jumped into daylight savings time a day early. I had to have Feebee in town by 9 and I was still in my pajamas, Abby was still asleep and Feebee hadn't even been let out to go to the bathroom. So I threw on some clothes, shoved Feebee in the van, grabbed Abs who was still in her pj's and put her in the car. (poor sleepy thing) I grabbed an outift for her to wear later, a bottle and took off for town. I was 5 minuets late but all things considered it wasn't too bad.

Then they told me it was going to take 3 hours. I debated staying or going but hated to waste the gas so I decided to stay. I wrangled abby out of the pj's in the van...started putting on her clothes and couldnt figure out why they were so small.... I checked the tag and it was a 6-12 month outfit!! So... I had a soggy baby and no clothes. I squished her into the small outfit and took off for the baby thrift store I love... found out they didn't open till 10. So we went to McDonalds and had a breakfast before I went back. Thankfully I found a pair of jeans for 3.50 and a top for 2.50. Then we left.

I took her to the mall indoor playground and let her run around the toys there with the kids. It would have worked better if they had a small gate at the entrance.... or am I the only parent of a toddler that struggles to keep their kid from running away? Abby thought it was hilarious, me less so. We left, went back to the Pet Store and checked on Feebee, she looked like she was almost done. So Abby looked at the meows (mice) for awhile and played with a few dog toys. (She also loved the fish, a hint to animal lovers, forget the zoo go to a Pet Store, it's free and the little ones don't care) About the time that I couldn't entertain her anymore they said she was done... So I had to lug her and Feebee's carrier back to the the van. I was exhausted. We had lunch with Tom and Abby was traumatized when he went back to work. She fell asleep on the way home.

Normally this isn't a big deal but Abby woke up when I put her down in the crib. I fought her for a long time to get her back to sleep and finally exhausted myself I couldn't take it anymore. I put her back in her crib, shut the door and lay back down on the couch. She screamed for 45 minuets but I did get a chance to rest. I just couldn't handle it anymore... I was so exhausted I could hardly move and I needed that time. So yeah, she slept... for 15 minuets... all day.... Thankfully Tom was home at 4pm

I was a little disappointed because it was Halloween and my family was coming up to Trick or Treat. Abby was craaaaaaaaaanky but a cute cranky kitty. The people just thought her "thankyou" was the cutest thing ever. It was :) She even got a few Teddy Grahms and had a treat that her mommy didn't take. A few people gave out 'glow bands' and she loved her pretty bracelets. So it went over ok, and I put Abs down to bed at 8:00pm.

Now she is in our bedroom trying to wake up Daddy. She loves to go in and find him in the morning. I was trying to let him sleep a tad longer but she started playing Duplo Legos and thought of him and had to go see where he was. I guess that is ok because maybe I'll get a chance to take a shower and get some breakfast before we go to church. Abby brought me some jeans... time to go :)

33w 6d--- 15 days!

Woot! I could do a little happy dance. The girls gained weight :) They are both 4lb 4 oz. Still on the small side but they did some good catching up and the doctors are happy. They are riding the 25th-30th percentile right now. The ultrasound tech had a great time, she said the babies seemed very happy moving all over and breathing like crazy. A's measurement for weight might be a little off because they can hardly even measure her head since she is way down, face up and straight up and down... aka very hard to see. So she did the best she could. We did get a little glimpse of B's face, she even smiled just a little. The tech could see her hair so it makes me curious... I wonder if they will end up being little blondies like their big sister???

So good news for now and nothing too crazy to report. Like Dr. H, Dr B thinks I could go any minuet but if I haven't delivered by the next time I see him (@ 36 weeks) we are going to schedule a time to induce me. He said they like to have mono di twins delivered between 35-37 weeks. So I'll be curious to see what happens!

I feel so happy it's wonderful. I'm excited to meet them and glad they are feeling so happy too. It even makes up a little for all of the discomfort I'm feeling right now. Hopefully we can hang in there for at least one more week, maybe 2 and have some nice plump babies. :) Thanks for all of the prayers!!! I need to get some homework done before I head down to pick up Abby from my Mom.

16 days left!

It's raining outside... sad. Normally our 'fence guys' would have been back last Monday but because of all the rain their schedule has been thrown off. They told me the fence should be up by the weekend... which probably won't happen now because of the rain again. *sigh* I just want it up! I'm excited to think of what Abs thinks of it and I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind if Feebee finally came home! It's been so nice of them to hold onto her until the fence is up since it means less work for me.

Abby was up earlier than she has been in awhile. She went to bed a little earlier last night because she didn't get much of a nap yesterday. After her doctor's appointment we found out she had a bad fungal infection (one that was going up onto her stomach and down her legs!) The dr put her on an antibiotic, antifungal and a probiotic to try and nip this bugger. I told the nurse that I had tried to take care of it but that her pediatrician kept telling me I wasn't changing her diaper enough... she asked who it was, I told her and she said that she wasn't surprised. Looks like they've been having issues with this.

As glad as I was to finally get this looked at we were there for an hour and a half, and if you know Abs being locked up that long doesn't go over very well! She was ready to get out. We went to Walmart to pick up her prescription but it wasn't there yet. I had tried to 'waste time' and picked up a few things but I guess they just were too busy. I could have cried when they told me it still wasn't there. Abby was upset and I was really struggling. It turns out they didn't even HAVE the probiotic I needed. So off we went towards Shopko. She fell asleep on the way to the Chinese restaurant that we were meeting my mom at. Thankfully she did sleep for awhile there but of course it wasn't her 1-2 hour nap that she needs.

THANKFULLY Shopko had the probiotic (30 bucks ick) and then we met my mom over at the second hand children's store. I needed more 'footed pj's' and so picked up a bunch of them for 2.50 a piece. The thing I'm most excited about is the Boppy 'bouncy seat' that I found for 22 dollars.(It's like the one in the picture I posted) I looked it up later and it retails new for 60 dollars! I will need to clean it and wash the cover but it looks like it shouldn't be too hard. Mom washed the two carseats so they are ready, even though the babies can't go home in them unless they are 6lbs. (They make special carseats for little babies that you can borrow)

Tomorrow is our appointment with Dr. B and the ultrasound to check on their growth. They just have to be growing! I feel like a hippo. I think I've reached the miserable point of this pregnancy. My back was so bad last night I couldn't get out of a chair for like 5 minuets and bending down was out of the question. I just feel exhausted most of the time (Probably because I'm not sleeping as well), my body wears out really fast. So hopefully they are gaining and will be a good size just in case they come a little early. Sixteen more days and we can avoid the NICU! Not long now!

My bleeding is perhaps not 'concerning' but I'm curious as to why it is a pinkish red right now. The amount of spotting has increased too. I'll make sure they double check the placenta tomorrow and I'll have to ask Dr. B. I just don't want it to prematurely separate! Perhaps it's just my body getting ready to have them.

Time for breakfast, Abs and I might travel down to my parent's place just so it's a little easier on me. Plus with the rain it get's a little stuffy at home. I have one more paper due tomorrow (this week has been a crazy homework week!) Hard to believe that November is almost here! Will my girls make it to the 'golden' birthstone?

33 w 3d---18 days left

Home now and I'm so happy that I was able to get in and out in 1 hour! Fastest I've had in a long time! Dr H's nurse said they were trying to make up a little for last week's really long wait. It was nice :)

Now onto the babies. They both passed their BPP ultrasounds once again and the fluids look good around them. Their doppler readings on the cords are still elevated. I asked Dr. H why this was and she said it was probably because my placenta was starting to 'poop out.' It happens more commonly in twin pregnancies, especially where one placenta is working for two. I'm sorry if you are looking for weights on the babies but we have to wait till Friday. The two week mark is on Thursday so we will check to see how big the babies are on Friday morning. This will be an important appointment.

On an interesting note... I'll save you from the 'gory' details, there is a good chance I could go at any time now and there is a high chance I'll go into labor within the next week or so. (Why I put a picture of a bomb on here, I feel like I'm ticking down lol)  If you want to know why you can ask, I just didn't want to make everyone have to read it lol. I'm 3cm (just a bit more than last week) and Dr H doesnt think I'll dilate much more. She thinks the contractions will just break my water sometime. I had three people ask if I was ready.. I don't think they think I'll last much longer. Dr. H said it looks like my body is gearing up for it. The ultrasound tech couldn't believe how far down A's head is, she asked if the pressure was bothering me... to which I said "yes!" Oh and it is too... I make repeated bathroom runs, many times just because of all that pressure.

I am a little disappointed however. I found out today that the hospital has installed a new policy that any baby born before 36 weeks will automatically be admitted to the NICU. : ( I understand their reasoning... I was just really hoping that if we made it to 34-35 they could stay with me... since I've heard of a lot of twins do really good at that point. So I've decided to start a countdown till 36 weeks (the 18 days left part) and I'm going to hope that I can hang on that much longer... the important thing is that the babies will be ok if they come now, they just might need a little help... it's more of a disappointment for me that I wouldn't be able to room in with my babies and that I would have to leave the hospital without them for awhile.


My last bit of info is that they probably won't let me go till 38 weeks if I make it that far. The issues going on with the placenta might be too great a risk and they would induce me at 37.

That's it for now, I have to go down to Btown to get Abs from my mom. If you have any questions please let me know! Thanks for the continued prayers. :)

THIRTY THREE!

Well! Officially thirty three weeks. I have decided that waiting for these babies is like waiting for a Christmas that could come at any time. It's that excitement and that anticipation... waking up with that familiar thrill that soon it will be here! I'm also a little nervous at the same time, maybe even more so than before I had Abby. If the girls remain head down and without complications for the next few weeks I'm going to attempt to do things naturally again. I was offered the choice of a c-section but for the babies and myself I'm going to decline that. Babies can have more respiratory issues born via c-section since the fluids aren't as 'squished' out of them as 'regular' babies. If they come a little early I want to give them the best shot possible to avoiding the NICU. And... naturally means no drugs... I'd like to keep as much of that out of their system as possible and no epidural because frankly I like to be in control and I don't want to be restricted. But we'll see!

Avoiding the NICU, I'm so excited that we are almost to that point! Babies at 34-35 weeks can possibly avoid it all together if they are doing well enough!! I want this so badly because I really feel that I need those few days with the girls to learn how to care for two at a time. This time I feel even less experienced and equipped as a mother even though I've had a baby before. It's just something I cannot prepare for until they are here and while I'm positive I'll figure it out... it still seems a little overwhelming.

My brother A is here this morning, he stayed overnight after playing Halo with Tom. He is Abby's best friend because he plays with her right now. They get along so well. In fact she just went over and gave him a hug. We had a good breakfast of pancakes, bacon and fruit but of course Abby would only eat the bacon and the fruit. I hope at some point she decides pancakes/french toast are yummy. It's my sister Tiffany's birthday today so we will probably ride down with A to my parent's place to 'celebrate.' The rest of my family is at a college XC meet to watch my brother M run. I'm not sure what time they will get back.

This is what is going on with our girls right now.... in case you are curious. A is done with getting pictures, the tech said she is so far down now that pictures are impossible to get. I got a few of B yesterday though, even if they were fast and a little fuzzy because she was being a little stinker.

How your baby's growing:

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.

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My next appointment is on Tuesday where I will have another BPP ultrasound done and meet with Dr. H. Hopefully everything will continue to be good and we can all get another week of this pregnancy done! Thanks for the prayers and the well wishes and all of the support. Thankfully in our situation the scary times fade away. These little ones seem to be fighters and just want to play with their mommy a little. We are getting very anxious to see them! Tom's mom is in Seattle for a wedding and I was worried that they might have to be born while she was out there. I'm glad that now she can enjoy her time with her sisters and not worry about us back here!

Just so everyone knows.... our hospital has begun to put restrictions on visitors and no one under 18 is allowed to visit. As I learn more I will update this. Tom and I may be asking people to stay back and wait a little depending on how the girls arrive. If we ask you to wait to visit, please don't be offended we just want to make sure that everyone remains healthy and safe. If we do say it is ok to come please stay home if you are feeling even slightly sick or are recovering from being sick. Hopefully it won't be long now!!!

32 w 6days

A short post just for those of you who didn't already find out how things went today. It's after 11 and I need to get some sleep. The babies passed another BPP ultrasound and their dopplers looked good today, I didn't get specific numbers but they aren't as worried about them. (Prayers must be working!) For now they want to continue monitoring them twice a week and make sure... if they pass their weight check next Friday we can go back down to coming in once a week. (fine with me! I'm spending so much time in waiting rooms lately)

So off to bed I go, I'll try and post more details tomorrow if I get time. Thanks for all of the prayers and keep them coming! This up and down roller coaster HAS to end soon... I'm getting a little tired of it! 33 weeks tomorrow :)

32w 4d

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write yesterday but because it was my birthday I didn't get home until late last night and didn't have time to post how things went yesterday. I had a good birthday so thanks for all of the wishes! As unique as it might have been to share a birthday with my girls I'm still really glad that they get to hang out a little longer and hopefully grow.

The appointment yesterday was only for a Biophysical Profile ultrasound and dopplers. This means no growth so I have no idea how they are doing in that area yet. We won't know this until NEXT Tuesday. I got into the ultrasound room really fast so was excited about that considering how long the wait for the last ultrasound had been! The tech was very nice and we chatted a little about the girls and Abby and Tom. My babies were quite excited and moving all over. A was practicing her breathing the moment she got on the screen and B was too. The tech was surprised and said it was one of the easiest BPP ultrasounds she had ever had to do on twins. (I think it was partially because of the sugar I had eaten before going up there lol) A's head apparently is very far down so I think we won't see any more pictures of her until she decides to come. She was also protesting the ultrasound and kept jabbing me hard in the ribs... i mean hard as in I was jumping during the ultrasound. Ive never had her 'connect' like that before!

The dopplers weren't so easy. I guess A was breathing so much that it was bouncing the cord all over the place. It took awhile to get that reading and it was good! Her number was 2.9 down from 4.9 last Friday and normal this time. B's cord reading was 4.0 down from 5.5 last week. B's is still elevated but lower and blood is still getting through which is great. Neither of the babies were showing any stress and seemed to be doing ok so she sent me down for an appointment with Dr. H.

This is where the waiting began... and continued on and on and on and on. I've NEVER had to wait so long for an appointment with her! I sat in the waiting room for over an HOUR. I was just getting ready to get up and ask what was taking so long. It was my birthday... I didn't want to sit in there all day! I read four magazines twice.... Then I got in, got my blood pressure taken and my weight done and then started waiting again. (Blood pressure is great and I did gain some weight this time which is good) I'm hoping my weight gain means that the babies are growing and it's not just extra padding lol.

I found out later when Dr. H came in that they had just gotten the H1N1 vaccine in so everyone and their dog was there. *relatively speaking* They asked if I wanted it. I explained that we were about 90% sure that I had had it. She explained that if it wasn't documented that I had it they were reccomending giving it. I told her no I don't want it. I mean... they wouldn't TEST me for it before since they said they would treat me the same anyways..... but why should I get a new untested vaccine while pregnant just because they wouldn't do a simple blood test on me? Dr H was good about my rejecting it at least and didn't pressure me to get it.

I'm dilated to a 3 now. Seems like I might just gradually do that now. Dr. H said that while you can't really 'predict' when twins will come... if she were to predict she said that it wouldn't be a surprise to her if these little gals decided to come between 34-36 weeks. Frankly... thats what I'm holding on for. 34 weeks. There is a good chance the girls would be good enough to come home with me and well... I'm getting really tired of being pregnant. I'm a little tired of the ups and downs. I can hardly get my socks on let alone shoes anymore. The babies are pushing so hard on my stomach now that it's hard to eat because I get that feeling in my throat like you didn't quite get a pill down? Frustrating but I'll endure it a little bit longer... not too much more left I hope!

Dr H said she still can't believe how well I carry the twins, that most people would never guess I have twins. I'm still measuring about 39 weeks which is almost crazy for 32 week twins! And I still feel huge... But I guess that is the update from yesterday and things going on around here. I have another BPP ultrasound on Friday and I meet with Dr. B this time. Next Tuesday is when we'll check weights again... I hope they have grown nice and fat by the time we check next! Better get some breakfast now :)

32 weeks

The last remnants of the setting sun are still trailing away and it is so beautiful. It seems like it's been weeks since the sun was out last... even though I'm sure it has only been a few days. Right now my brother A is playing with Abby and she is having a good time. It's likely she won't be in bed very early tonight, she had a late nap and didn't get up till 4:30!

Backing up a little... Abs and I went up to town and did a little shopping. I decided there won't be many more days that I can just pack her up and go.... so we left around 11am. Our first stop was for pumpkins :) We got three 'balls' as Abby calls them for 6 dollars!!! One of the pumpkin patch we had gone to earlier wanted 6-9 dollars per pumpkin! She kept getting her shoe stuck in the wooden pallets and that was making her a little mad. Our 2nd stop was a fabric store... I recently decided that I wanted to get some 'furry' fabric to use as backgrounds for when I take pictures (especially of the twins) I had been watching Ebay for them but most of the time it was 20 dollars or more, and I couldnt really be sure how much they were sending.

Luckily the fabric store that I went to had a sale on the fabric and it was 50% off! So I got two rather large pieces of fabric for 20 dollars. I'm so excited about it because the pieces are really nice. I only wish they had a white piece but perhaps another time they will...

Our third and final stop was at the mall. I needed two things and actually managed to get both! I had bought a plush blanket for one of the twins earlier at Target but couldn't find a second that I liked. Sears had the one I wanted so I picked it up and now both are safely packed away in our hospital suitcase. :) I had bought one for Abby before she was born that she uses all of the time. It is nice because the fabric washes really well and is nice and soft and of good quality. I wanted to make sure each of the other girls had their own too! I also finally got a pair of shoes that I can slip on and off that have some support. Yes... I can no longer tie my shoes very well. I havent bought a new pair of shoes for myself since I was pregnant with Abby. It was time.

Tom and A are playing Halo now... and there is a part of the opening sequence where a choir of men does a "ooooooo" bit... Abby was mimicking them and it was really funny. (Sorry had to put this in)

Today was a good day if you haven't figured it out from the above. I still have my moments where things feel overwhelming and I do cry a little but for the most part things are good. I think it's hardest when I read other members of my "Twin group" on a site called Babycenter talking about how big their babies are... and it hits me how little ours really are. Last night was hard and I had a good cry... Abby had fallen asleep briefly on the way home from my Mom's and I spent a few hours trying to get her to sleep... then Tom brought her down to her room for me because I was trying so hard not to cough. Well she woke up and cried for another 20 minuets or so in her room.

She was so sad and crying so I just lost it. Isn't it funny how when you are tired and frustrated and overwhelmed how things just hit you? It also doesnt help to have so many hormones raging around inside either. It's just been a hard week or so. Being so sick and taking so long to recover fully... only to have to deal with all of this other stuff has just taxed my ability to 'deal' with things as well. It was good to cry though, I needed to just let go of all the worry and the frustration and the feelings of being inadequet.

I just think back to all those times I told mother's not to feel bad about things that happen, that it's nothing they did wrong or could have prevented... and even after all that has happened during this pregnancy and all of the things that we've had to deal with, all of the ups and downs I find myself having this sinking feeling that this is somehow my fault. I find myself thinking through all of the meals I've had in the last week... Did I not take in enough protein? Should I have eaten more during those meals? Was I too active? Could I have done SOMETHING to keep them from growing like they should have?

They told me there wasn't' anything I could do to help this... that unless I had eaten absolutely nothing in the last two weeks this wasn't my fault. And I still have that guilt. It's crazy I know... I've tried to do my best for these babies. In a way as excited as I am for them I've been racked with so much fear this pregnancy, so many ups and downs and maybes that it's almost hard to feel like the twins are 'real' that this pregnancy will ever end... that in the end hopefully I will hold them both in my arms.

So right now I'm waiting for Tuesday... perhaps if I go in cautious the news will be good. It's happened before right? Perhaps this isn't all as bad or scary or crazy as I think it is and my girls will look perfect on ultrasound. Thankfully they have both been active. It's like they are sending me little reminders, telling me "Mommy we are ok, don't worry." It still will be nice to see them again soon....

Scary News

I'm feeling a little numb right now and it's hard to know where to begin. It's been a loooong day. My appointment was at 10:45. I didn't leave the hospital until 3pm if that gives you any idea how the appointments went. In all fairness it DID take forever for me to get into the actual ultrasound room, almost 30-40 minuets of waiting. I did have a good conversation with one of the other moms that was in the place. She actually got called before I did and her being so nice was like "oh that's not fair" and told the nurses I had been waiting there for a long time. I guess they were backed up today.

A student came along to watch my ultrasound and the tech I had was really nice and I liked her a lot. It was a little fun to have a student because the ultrasound tech was explaining a lot of things that I see a lot... but never knew what they were.

The stressful part of the appointment started a little later when they told me Baby A was 3lbs 7oz. I couldn't believe that since two weeks ago she was 3lbs 6oz. I thought maybe I had just heard the numbers wrong last time. Baby B it turns out only gained an ounce too so they did dopplers on the placenta and the cords to see how the blood is flowing. The dopplers were elevated meaning that the blood is having a harder time getting from the placenta to the babies. Not so good.

Baby A wasn't doing the movements/breathing that she should have been doing for the Biophysical Profile and so Dr B decided he wanted me to do an NST after the ultrasound to check on her. I spent another hour in the NST room being monitored because Baby B decided she was going to be difficult and wasn't being reactive. (They need to see two accelerations in their heartbeats along with movement) Eventually they let me go down to Dr H whom was concerned because she had no idea why I was so late with my appointment

The good news is my blood pressure is still great and now signs of precclampsia. I'm only measuring at 38 weeks... which means I haven't grown in the last two weeks either. *sigh* I have now gone from 1cm to 2cm. Dr H did the Group B strep test today because she doesnt think I will last much longer between what is going on with the babies and my body. At least the positive is that we are at 32 weeks and have had the steroid shots.

So what does all this mean? I'm coming in twice a week now for BPP ultrasounds and dopplers to check on the babies. Tuesday (my birthday) is the next appointment and if this next one shows the dopplers still elevated or worse there is a good chance they will just decide to take the babies. If they are ok I'll be back in next Friday to check them again, if that one shows distress or elevated dopplers than we will take them. They can't do another weight check until the week after next. If THAT appointment shows no weight gain or decreased weight gain they'll take them then.

Confused yet?

I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. I keep thinking I would rather have them come early because of my body going into labor than because they aren't getting what they need. I asked if there was anything I could do to help them grow but there isn't really... it's not related to my having been sick, it's nothing I've done. There is just something going on with the placenta and the cords.... obviously they aren't afraid to the point that they would take them today. They want to give them a chance to turn the situation around and pack on some weight before they get here. But I'm still scared... and it's going to be a long weekend. I'm going to be paranoid about them moving I can already tell.

I was driving home and heard this song by Tenth Avenue North... of course I had been on the brink of tears since I left the hospital and this one just made me cry but it feels closest to what I'm feeling right now and how hard I am to trying to lay my trust on God that He has gotten us through so much during this pregnancy that He will take care of my girls now. These are the lyrics that struck me the most and I wanted to share them with you as I close this entry.

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life


Please pray for my girls, pray hard that whatever is going on inside will heal and that they can grow big and strong and pack on some weight. Pray that if there is something wrong I will know and can get in in time. Pray that I can sleep tonight...and the rest of this weekend. Pray Pray Pray... I know prayer has done amazing things during their pregnancy, I know He can keep them safe... I know He will be with us no matter what....

31w 3d

I am really dragging this morning and feel just awful. 3.5 hours of sleep I suppose will do that to you. On top of this H1N1 that I am gradually recovering from, I think I'm coming down with strep. This is probably why I could not sleep last night. My mom told me that my brother had a night like that before he started showing symptoms of it.... *sigh* I'm feeling 'sickish' again and now have a pretty sore throat... So once again I called in Dr. H and asked them what they would like me to do... wait it out until I start running a temp (or don't) or to get checked out? The nurse that called me back is not one of my favorites. She is the one I've had problems with in the fast... almost feels snippity, in a huge hurry and spouts off information so fast you can hardly talk. I'm sure she's very efficient... but I hate talking to her.

But the nurse decided to ask Dr. H what she wanted to do and was going to call me back. I have to go up to town this afternoon anyways because Abby has a doctors appointment today for her diaper 'rash.' I wouldn't even consider it a rash I guess, she does have a few spots and just a teeny bit of redness but the part that is so bad is she has these two small... sores? It's like the top layer of the skin has been 'eaten' down and these spots really hurt her a lot. I can always tell when her diapers get soiled because she literaly goes nuts. Runs around and circles screaming saying 'ow ow ow ow' Poor thing it hurts sooo bad. When I called them yesterday they said it might be a bacterial infection and she might need to have antibiotics to heal it up... Of course the appt is at 1:30... right smack dab in the middle of her nap time. Which means... after my 3.5 hour night I MIGHT get an hour to myself all day :(

Thursdays is my ultrasound/appointments.... it's something I'm looking forward to. I'm tired of feeling so sick, I hope in a way that if this is strep they'll let me get on something now so I don't have to try and suffer through another 'illness' My poor immune system is so shot I can't fight off anything. Right now I'm tired of being pregnant and I'm ready for my girls. I know I shouldn't say that, that the important things is to have fat healthy babies that can come home right away. But I guess other pregnant moms get tired eventually too... it's just getting harder to do things and being sick so much is NOT helping. This last week has just been hard.

If you are wondering how the H1N1 'stuff' is doing... no I'm not running a temp. My chest congestion/cough seems worse today than it was yesterday and I'm feeling short of breath again. The most frustrating part to me is looking in the mirror and just still looking 'sick.' My eyes are just puffy and have dark circles under them, they just look gaunt? Is that the right word? Thats why if you've seen my latest maternity pictures I'm not looking at the camera.. I had some TAKEN... but I just look zombie like. I'm in no means really sick or dangerously sick so it's not something to 'worry' about. I just feel like my body hates me... I just feel 'crappy.'

This too shall pass... I just needed to vent about it a little. I'm not used to being sick so much or so sick. Usually things are just 24 hour minor setbacks not struggling to get through a day types of feelings.

I did get out just a little yesterday, for about 5 minuets each time. I was going a little crazy at home so I went out for just a bit with Tom and Abby in the snow to get a few pictures and then to get one of me with the beautiful leaves. Hopefully today will be a good day... thanks again for the prayers.