A Full Cup

There's got to be more to life than just making it... I want the full cup. Have you ever wondered that? It has been on my mind lately, a lot... especially tonight. Perhaps it is the close of the Holiday Season, the end and beginning of a new year but I've been thinking about it. The girls are all sick (Abby, Kiley, Kara... me) Nothing that is deathly horrible... just enough to make every single one of us tired, miserable (and maybe a little cranky) So in other words the last few days I've honestly just been surviving... trying to make it to the next 'little break' or till the next nap or till Tom gets home.

I dont like 'just surviving.' I feel like there are a million and one things that I should be doing or could be doing when all I really want is to crawl into bed, and go to sleep. The hardest things are those things I feel like I should be doing for the girls. With Abby I had a calendar where I wrote down little milestones as she got older (it's really full) and I feel awful that the babies are almost 7 weeks old and I haven't even BOUGHT their calendars. Because I KNOW that they will ask me someday why they don't have one...and I want to mark their babyhood/first year like I did Abby's... their babytime is just as special to me. Hopefully I can get them soon.

Poor little ones are so worn out. We went to my Grandma's house on my Dad's side for a Christmas. It was a lot of fun and Abby did really well considering she didn't get a nap until we came home at 4:30... she was practically begging for us to let her go to sleep. She got a Little Tykes crib and kitchenette (old school kind, like what was around when I was a little girl) Abby and her 3 year old cousin had a lot of fun playing with it. She even tried to give her new baby doll a bath in the kitchen's sink! Then she crawled into the crib and held her baby. :) Tom got some more work clothes and I got 2 more coffee mugs (backups!) coffee, gloves and a giftcard to Target. The leftover pork roast is going to make a great lunch too.

We spent New Years Eve at my mom's house. It was really relaxing. We had a Prime Rib dinner and then my sister and I just spent some time watching HGTV while I took care of babies. Abby had fun taking a bath... she likes bubbles.... alot... Maybe I'm getting old, or maybe it's just because I have so many other things going on, but the countdown to the new year wasn't a very big deal to me. Perhaps I just value sleep more right now... but in any matter looking back on 2009 it's amazing how much has changed. I never would have believed we would have experienced the pregnancy, birth and infanthood of our twin girls.... and watching Abby grow and develop and learn has also been amazing. Even when things are overwhelming I'm so grateful I was given the opportunity to be their mom...

My appointment with my OB was pretty uneventful... Dr H and my favorite nurse just looooved the babies. They thought they were so beautiful! Dr. H was also very impressed that I have been able to nurse them exclusively... she said i was the first twin mommy of her patients to be able to do that! They were also impressed that I am able to handle all three girls alone, and that Abby doesn't go to a daycare. It's nice to hear those compliments sometimes... I keep them in my 'arsenal' when I start to feel like I'm not a good mom, or that I can't handle it... I also got my thyroid levels checked... I suppose I'll find out Monday if I need to change my dosage.

Kiley and Kara are very clingy right now.  Their noses get so stuffed up they wake up a lot. I gave them a bath tonight to see if it might help them relax after a busy day... so far it's not helping. Hopefully it will later. They were pretty cute, they didn't even cry throughout the whole thing this time! Each day they are getting stronger and stronger. They can almost hold up their heads unassisted (with a little flopping around) We are even seeing more and more little baby smiles from them (they melt my heart!) Abby loves to hold them. Tonight she was trying to take care of Kara and Tom was struggling to regain control as Abby loves on them a little too hard sometimes. She has figured out that you 'pat' the babies' backs to burp them... only her 'pat' is more like hitting. She is so helpful....

Well the girls are 'almost' asleep... maybe... and I should try and get some sleep myself if they are going down. Tom is bravely attempting to sleep in our bed tonight, we'll see if he gets any sleep. At least he can sleep through their crying! Kara is cuddling with Dad.... I hope I can steal her away and put her in the bassinette without her waking! Goodnight!

The bugs have invaded...

Kara (not Kiley as my earlier Facebook post stated) threw up today... all over. I've never seen a little baby throw up so much milk. It was spewing out her nose and mouth and it just kept coming and coming and coming. I was soaked and so was she. I have a  sneaking suspicion she has the flu. So now I'm keeping a diaper and feeding account in case I need to call in if she is getting dehydrated. Both of their diapers have been loose and I've gone through 5 sleepers in the last day. So laundry must get done in case they dirty more...

And... with the pukes... we have the booger bug again. I'm playing with the idea of taking them into the doctor and checking for RSV. For now I think I'll just watch it but last night I was up every 30 minuets because they were having troubles breathing through their noses and were very upset. It makes for a tired mommy! Abby has a bad cough too so she probably has her own version of it... as long as she doesn't start throwing up I'll be happy. Doesnt look like our New Years Eve plans will be very exciting, I'm not even sure if I'll go to my dr's appointment tomorrow.... we aren't going for coffee with the neighbors that is for sure. I do NOT want to get them sick!

Well my pizza is done, I had better eat before Abby gets up from her nap...

P.S It's really nice to be home... even if I'm by myself with sick girls.

If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops....

We have 9 gumdrop pacifiers... 2 orange, 4 purple and 5 pink... God help us if we lose all of these! Kara has the 'drunk baby look' on her face right now, she is enjoying her pink pacifier. Kiley is having another little snack (one that I hope will keep her fed for an hour at least! They have been cluster feeding (eating every 30 minuets or more) at night lately and it makes for an exhausted and sore momma! Two babies= twice the feedings.It gets to be a lot sometimes...

We put Abby to bed at 8 tonight. She is completely worn out. In fact she has been quite a little terror... an amazingly cute one also at times... but exhausting too! I'm hoping that she isn't getting sick, I know that we were gone from our house for almost a week and all of the Christmas excitement probably wore her out... I have her alone with the babies tomorrow so I hope that she behaves... Her latest words? "Babies cry..." or "Oh no... babies cry..." :) My least favorite word she has picked up right now is "Don't!" She tends to use it when she doesnt want us doing something... like stopping her from taking all of the forks out of the silverware drawer or pouring water all over the floor...

She also picked up her cousin's name (who is about 1 month older then her) They had a lot of fun playing together and actually managed to avoid fighting a lot. Once in awhile they had toy fights but they enjoyed each other immensely otherwise. It IS possible she is going through a growth spurt, she is picking up words left and right. Grandma Jo was calling the others to supper saying "People....!" and Abby goes "People!!!" in her attempts to help Grandma get the people to the table so that she could eat. It was quite funny.

Kara has a very stuffy nose and Abby has a cough now... Kara is upset that she can't breathe out of her nose again. Argh... we just can't seem to beat this stuff! It keeps going round and round... oh the joys of having babies in the winter time. My 6 week postpartum appointment is Thursday morning. Our neighbor invited myself and the girls over for a little coffee time so I'm hoping that we can hang out there for a little while before we have to go to my appointment... I really miss having a 'social life' sometimes and talking to people in similar life 'positions.'

And if you hadn't already heard the "Twin Ninjas" (My fantasy football team) is now in the Championship Playoff game... I don't know how we managed to do so well considering I took a 3 week break after the babies were born, but it would be fun to win! I created the Team logo... I think it is pretty cute/funny!

And yes... why haven't I talked about this yet!? I keep meaning to but screaming babies tend to pull me away before I'm truly finished writing. Tom's aunt heard about a 12 days of Christmas contest going on at a radio station. So... she emailed in her wish for diapers for our twins and Abby. Well it turns out they decided they wanted to give us something even though we weren't one of the 12 days of Christmas wishes... so today when we got home and got the mail we found 2 giftcards that added up to 150 dollars! There was also talk of perhaps something else coming but for now we are just excited about the actual gift cards. That will help with diapers!! So THANK YOU!

Midnight Musings...

Kara fell asleep holding my finger tonight, and Kiley is snoring as she sleeps in my lap. I know that I should be getting cozy under the blankets and drifting off to dreamland myself but I've discovered that if I don't write before bed, there is a good chance I won't write at all. Currently I'm at Tom's parent's place... yes we managed to drive down to their place safely. There were a few hairy moments but we made it down safely. I drove carefully and we took our time... but my hands were still stiff from the strain/stress of it. (it's just scary when everything is white!)

Christmas... as always was wonderful here again. I cannot even begin to describe the generosity that has been displayed to us this year. God has truly blessed us with beautiful, wonderful families. They have supported us through so much. Simple gestures like flowers or gift cards to Subway that meant so much... to babysitting and gifts ... but most of all their love and prayers sent heavenward. I remember those first moments when we found out I was pregnant with twins... thinking "God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and that if He gave us this gift... He will also provide us with everything we need." Now 10-11 months later... how true this has been!

*Sigh* the twins are up again... and I'm exhausted. I've come to absolutely dread nights... nothing about them is relaxing and usually I have to spend them alone. Tom has recently taken up sleeping on the couch for both our sakes. This way the babies can sleep in the bed with me and I can still have room to sleep when I can. Plus once in awhile they actually sleep pretty good when they are near me. The biggest downside is that I don't get to sleep with my husband and I have the twins all to myself. Not that he can help me at night anyways since I'm breastfeeding. But it gets lonely... and I miss feeling close to Tom. I haven't seen him much these last few days and it's been a little hard. The car ride down here was the longest I've had him to myself in a week.

We are in desperate need of more gumdrop pacifiers. The worst part is that they don't sell them in stores, only online so I had to order some and it will take awhile to get here.They are the only ones that Kiley & Kara will take with any success. And we have ONE. So right now I have to take the pacifier and give it to whomever needs it most. Like right now Kiley is screaming so I'm trying to get her to take it... with very little luck I might add. I'm so frustrated. Now they are both awake. :( Doesnt look like I'll be getting to bed anytime soon.....

A day after Christmas

This post will be a quick one as both girls are just on the verge of falling asleep. I'm sitting up in my sister's room writing this and it's the first chance I've had to get away for quite awhile. Things have been very busy around here! Wednesday morning the girls and I packed up and drove down to my parent's house. We weren't planning to go down so early but a nasty blizzard was on it's way and I didn't want to get stuck at home on Christmas. Tom joined us later that night.

Officially I'm not sure how much snow we have but I'd have to guess it's around 18-20 inches... the stuff is everywhere! We were hoping to drive down to Tom's parent's for a Christmas gathering there but the interstates didn't get opened up until later this afternoon and I didn't want to risk driving on roads that Safe Travel USA stated were "Travel Not Advised"... especially at night... with three children under the age of two. Amazing how being a parent makes you much more cautious! My dad spent most of the afternoon digging out the driveway and making a path on the road. I haven't seen this much snow in one place since I was a kid... probably back in 1997. My dad's car was completely buried in a snow drift, I heard it was fun to dig out.

How are the girls doing? We've had some hard nights and one good one. The last few days Kara had been increasingly more agitated and upset. I thought for sure it was the reflux (after all who wouldn't be angry if milk was shooting out your nose?) But as the nights got worse and the days longer... I realized she hadn't poo'd in a looooong time... I mean nothing. This isn't unusual for breastfed babies but it still seemed a little odd, and her tummy seemed to be bothering her. SO I thought... well they haven't had a bath in awhile.

I personally find bathing my infants in a cold plastic baby tub (or sponge) is too much hassle. I like to place the babies on my chest and put a little washcloth over them, or bathe them as they lay on my legs. It's some 'kangroo bonding time' for each of us. So this is what I did,  I placed Kara on my chest and bathed her.... then it wasnt long and the craziness broke lose. She went to the bathroom, and it was... by far the nastiest, strangest looking little baby poo ever. I texted Tom "Help!" and he rushed up and helped me clean everything up. So for now I'm keeping a close eye on Kara and her diapers. I'm reeeeeeeeeally hoping this doesn't mean she has a dairy protein intolerance... I don't know if I can survive that diet again, though if I had to I would do it for them.....

But I really need to go to bed before they wake up.... sleep when they sleep right? Hopefully I will be able to post again soon. :) and ... a Merry Late Christmas to all :)

A Twin Momma's Christmas List

10.  Another set of arms.

9.  *8 Hours of sleep EVERY night.

8.  A coffee pot that can automatically set it self to my nonexistent schedule and have a nice hot pot waiting for me every morning.

7.  At least one day a week at the spa for some relaxation.

6.  More hours in the day, most of them being bedtime or nap time hours.

5.  A day at the store where I can just take my time shopping

4.  A housekeeper.

3. To win free diapers for at least two years.

2. Discounts on all the stuff we have to buy 2 of no matter what it is , or where we buy it. 

1. **Two sweet babies and a bouncy giggling toddler**

ZzZzZz

We aren't sleeping again. The last two nights I've been up with them constantly. Right now I'm just hoping that I can get through this last paper of mine and be done with my classes. It's so hard to write when you are so tired. Hopefully I can get some coffee into me and when Abby goes down for a nap I can finish it up. My professor has been so kind about allowing me time to finish this paper late. I hope that I haven't inconvenienced her too much!

Right now I am trying to decide about whether I will be going back into the nursing program this Spring. My adviser called me to tell me that there is one spot open because someone failed. But now that this spot is open I'm not sure I can handle it. There are days I can barely function let alone working on life and death matters. For the moment I'm leaning towards not going back till next Fall. First of all my babies are this little for so long, second nursing is very important to me... I don't want to just 'survive' I want to learn and gain great experience so that I can be a GOOD nurse, thirdly... physically I just don't know if I can handle it.

If I don't go back for nursing I will continue on like before taking general classes towards my BSN. I'm glad I was given a week to decide on this matter. It's a hard decision because I miss nursing a LOT, and I do want to finish and have a job later. But it's only a matter of time before I do so I guess we will see.

Well I need to get working on things. Lots to do today and I have Tom home with me so maybe I'll get something done!

Christmas Party 1

Well it's almost 10 o'clock and we just got home from our Christmas celebrations. I am absolutely exhausted! Tom is currently rocking Abs, she fell asleep briefly on the way home and then woke up when we pulled into the garage. So the good news is that we were able to put her pj's on and give her some milk before bed. On that note we are on our last can of formula for her... does this mean I actually have to try and get her either onto milk or soy milk? Ugh....

The Christmas party I think went pretty well. It wasn't as hard for me to let people hold the babies this time. Though to be honest I trusted every single person that was there this time so that is always helpful! It also helps that the girls are a little older and a little bigger. My Grandma's house WAS really crowded with everyone there but the food was great and everyone seemed to be in a pretty good mood. We even managed to take a family picture... everyone was CRAMMED into it but we accomplished it. I think everyone enjoyed the presents. The babies got a package of diapers and a few cute outfits, Abs got some Duplos and I got a picture frame that has Family on it. Tom got a gift card so hopefully we can use it to go out to eat soon! We both miss going out to eat.

One of my relatives, a PA, says that she thinks that one of the girls definatly has reflux. Something I've suspected now for a few days. They are puking violently out of their mouths and noses, mostly at night. I feel so bad for both of them. They aren't nearly as angry as Abby but there couldn't be another Abby.... lol. My only other concern is that at times when I'm feeding them they choke and cough and cough and cough. I'm just curious if they are aspirating like Abby did way back.

I probably won't call the doctor unless they get sick from it because well... we've been down this road before. I don't think medications will work and I don't think the tests will do much either. So for now we'll just wait it out. I think that is causing a few of our sleeping problems at times. I'm going to buy another swaddling blanket, I still have a gift card from when they were born. It works so well because they don't kick out of it!

Well I need to feed Kiley again, she is fussing. I just got done with Kara.... PLUS I'm really craving some hot chocolate right now!!!

Victory!!

I'm not sure if it was because of the humidifier, the gas drops, or the fact that I started swaddling them... but Kiley and Kara slept from 11pm-3am... were up until 4:30am and then slept till 7:00! This means I got ONE chunk of 4 hour sleep and another of 3 1/2. I feel amazingly refreshed today. Perhaps all of our shopping yesterday was exhausting and they decided to sleep.... or the fact that they cried the entire hour that I was taking my last Sociology test...(Tom couldnt figure out why they were crying but my test was on a timer so I had to finish it)

So shopping yesterday. Wow did we get swarmed! A double stroller with two carseats, with two little pink baby girls is apparently quite an attraction. It was interesting trying to maneuver the giant thing through packed holiday aisles. Everyone loved them though. My youngest brother was along because he had a dentist appointment, and he pushed Abby in a little stroller. I did manage to find 2 presents while we were there. JcPennies had some sales and I managed to pick out an outfit (shirt & jeans) for 18 bucks! I was excited because I was told this little girl that I bought it for doesn't have a lot of nice clothes. The limit was 15 but I think it's ok that I went over a few dollars. I also managed to find something for Tom... though I need to get something else to go with it.

Abby loved all of the Christmas lights and the Christmas music... she kept bouncing and jumping around in her stroller to the beat. She did REALLY well shopping I was so proud. Kiley was the only fussy one and I had to find a dressing room to feed her... and even after she wanted to be held a lot. My mom didn't mind! While I took Kiley to the dressing room my mom went to the food court to get Abby and my brother a mid afternoon munchie. Well the lady at the counter was very concerned as to why there was a baby missing in one of the carseats. (my mom told me this later) I thought it was pretty funny!

But I've learned one thing... shopping with twins you cannot go into a store and get out unnoticed! I had so many people talk with me yesterday! It almost made shopping hard. When we got home I drove Abby and the girls around town and we looked at the lights. It's becoming a tradition lol. Abs just LOVES the preeeeties. She kept calling the lit up reindeer "puppies" :)

I'm not sure what our plan is for today. I think we will go down to my moms so that Abby can play with her uncle and wear out some of this energy. I'm going to wait until after her nap though first because I'm waiting for a Christmas present to come in the mail... eek I hope it comes today or tomorrow! I need it for a family Christmas party tomorrow!

Who needs sleep anyways?

How many hours of sleep can someone survive on... and for how long? Isn't it amazing that more new mothers don't go crazy? Now perhaps my experience is a little biased... I did after all have Abby who woke up every hour for the first 6 months of her life and I now have twins that seem to be teaming up to see how much sleep they can cause their mother to lose.

Last night I snuggled into bed, relaxed, sprawled out... turned off the light and .... wam! Kiley starts choking, I mean really choking. So I hurry up, turn on the light... Tom groans and I see milk spewing out of Kiley's mouth and nose. Poor dear is just trying to breathe and I spend the next two hours trying to get her back to sleep. I snuggle back down into the sheets, completely exhausted, Tom is dead to the world.... flip off the light annnnnd wam! Kara starts choking, this time on her boogers...

Thats how my entire night went. Except for one stretch at 5am where they were both laying wide awake in the bed with me. (I sent Tom to the couch so he could sleep, at least one of us should be rested...) I was so tired by the time I got out of bed at 9am that I was shaking. I hopped into the shower hoping that the hot water would redeem a little of my strength but I couldn't stay in there long because I was afraid I might fall. Eventually a little coffee and some prayers got me moving but I was dreading the long day ahead.

Abby was a little terror earlier this morning but I eventually was able to calm her down. We had a pretty good afternoon for the most part. I laid down around 2:30 on the couch just to rest and she went 'ni night' with me for a bit, snuggling. Then a baby started fussing, I was just going to let her fuss a bit but Abby was very concerned. She took my hand and kept pulling and pulling until I finally got up to get the baby. So much for resting!

My mom picked up a humidifier and we are going to try that to see if that helps the babies sleep a little longer. I hope so! I dont know if I can take another night like last night...Tom is home now and Abby is playing with him. I will probably give Kara a bath a little later. I gave Kiley a bath last night. It's nice to have that bonding time with each one individually. :) My mom ALSO picked up a 'baby sling' so that I can 'wear' the babies when they are fussy and still have free arms. I'm excited to try it out.

Tomorrow we are going shopping!!! With my mom of course... it should be interesting! Hopefully we can finish up our Christmas shopping.